If you’re anything like me, the start of a new year can often bring a mix of emotions: excitement for novel experiences in the upcoming year, but also disappointment at your failures or what you weren’t able to accomplish in the year prior — and often more disappointment than we’d like to admit.

A new year can especially difficult when comparing our situations to others in our age range or social circle, especially if things have been tough. Bethany had her third child, and you were served divorce papers. Steve got a raise, and you got laid off. Amber earned a degree, and you flunked out.

Or perhaps you find yourself drifting along through life like a sailboat caught in the doldrums and nothing going your way. Life feels directionless, meaningless, and hopeless.

Life’s Direction

People often judge a life by its direction: Are you moving forward? Are you behind? Are you on the “right” path? They look the map of your life, see your convoluted path, and try to give you guidance: “Ah, see? Here’s your problem! You should’ve taken a right turn here instead of a left! You need to go right in the future!” or the dreaded, “You aren’t working hard enough. Just hustle more!”

While this advice is ostensibly well-intentioned, let’s be real: it’s not helpful, and I’m not here to give you more advice like that. Instead, I urge you to be more compassionate with your circumstances — whatever they may be.

Let me explain.

Danny’s Journey

Imagine a map with two points: A and B. As you may recall from high school geometry, the shortest path between any two points is a straight line. Thus, if Danny is trying to get from A to B, he should take the straight path.

But what if Danny starts out on his straight path and encounters a dense, alligator-filled, mosquito-infested swamp between the points? He considers trudging through, but ultimately decides on going around the swamp, adding several days to his journey. He still ends up being bitten by mosquitos, and he coats himself in mud to try to keep the insects at bay. For Danny, a journey that should’ve taken a day and a half takes five.

For the people who had a smooth path to Point B, they might not understand what took Danny so long, or why he’s so dirty. Some of the prior arrivals had smooth rolling hills and a paved path to walk. Others were given a bike, and one drove a car. Even some people who started near Danny arrived well before he did — but only because they had an ATV to get them through the swamp. Danny didn’t have any of that.

A straight line means nothing if you don’t know what and how it crossed.

Map vs. Terrain

A map without topography tells you nothing about swamps, rivers, mountains, or canyons that weren’t visible until you reached them. Two people can travel the same distance and arrive in very different states depending on whether one crossed flat ground and the other climbed a mountain carrying weight they never chose. After all, no one has the same starting point in life.

If your life doesn’t look the way you were told it should, it doesn’t mean you took the wrong path; it means you were navigating terrain no one else could see.

A Topography Lesson

If you’re entering this year feeling bruised, slower, or uncertain, consider this: survival is movement, adaptation is effort, and detours are not moral failures. Before you judge your pace or compare your path, pause. Look down at the ground you’ve been crossing. Notice the mud on your boots, the weight on your back, and the struggles you’ve endured.

Remember that a straight line has never been the measure of a meaningful journey. And if your path looks complicated, it may be because it required courage, resilience, and choices no one else had to make.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

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The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

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I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you’d like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

For decades, autism has largely been diagnosed based on observable behaviors (speech delays, repetitive actions, or social difficulties), often missing those who mask or whose traits are less pronounced. However, recent breakthroughs in neuroscience, research, and technology are reshaping how we understand autism — revealing it may not just be a difference in behavior, but a difference in biology itself.

Emerging research suggests that autistic brains aren't simply wired differently in a metaphorical sense; they’re literally structured differently with measurable variations in neuron density, brain symmetry, and information processing. In this article, I’ll explore the growing body of scientific evidence that autism is not just psychological or developmental, but deeply neurological as well.

Neuron Density Differences in Autistic Children’s Brains

Researchers at the University of Rochester published a 2024 study in Autism Research that compared over 9,000 individuals — some with autism, some without — to examine differences in neuron density in the brain. Results revealed that children with autism show distinct differences in neuron density in certain brain regions compared to both neurotypical children and those with other psychiatric conditions like ADHD and anxiety.

When the researchers broke down the brain scan measurements into two parts — one that shows how many neuron cell bodies there are (RNI) and one that shows how much the brain cells branch out (RND) — they got a clearer picture.

Examining the Results

Results from the study showed that individuals with autism had fewer neuron cell bodies in the:

• parietal lobe (touch, spatial awareness, pressure, pain)

• occipital lobe (vision, shapes, colors, movement)

• midbrain (basic movement, visual and auditory reflexes)

• hindbrain (balance, coordination, breathing, heart rate, other automatic body functions)

They also had fewer neuron branches in the cerebellum (coordination, balance, fine-tuning movement) and ventral diencephalon (relaying sensory information, controlling automatic body functions).

However, those with autism also had areas of the brain that had more neuron density, including more neuron cell bodies in the amygdala (which is important for emotions), and more neuron branches in the:

• fronto-temporal regions (thinking, language, social skills, emotions)

• caudate nucleus (movement planning, habits, repetitive actions)

• insula (emotional awareness, bodily feelings, empathy)

• putamen or basal ganglia (movement control, habit learning)

Basically, some parts of autistic brains have fewer neuron cells or branches compared to neurotypical brains, and other parts have more. These brain differences stayed the same even when the researchers compared people with autism to people with other mental health conditions, and when they checked the results at different times.

Differences in Brain Structure in Older Autistic Adults

A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Neuroscience found that adult men with autism have small but important differences in their brain structure compared to neurotypical men. Using a special type of MRI, researchers looked closely at the brain’s “gray matter” (which processes information) and “white matter” (which connects different brain areas).

Brains Built Another Way

The study looked at the tiny structures of the brain in autistic and neurotypical males aged 12 to 46 using advanced MRI scans. Researchers found clear differences in both the white matter and gray matter between autistic and neurotypical individuals. These brain differences stayed consistent across different ages. In autistic people, some of the brain changes were linked to how severe their autism symptoms were.

“We see significant differences between the two groups across both white matter and gray matter. There were also associations with some of the autism severity measures that were collected and looked at as well” (Doug Dean III, Ph.D.).

Although this study population was relatively small (around 150 individuals), it is still important because most autism research focuses on children, whereas this study highlights the importance of understanding how autism affects the brain in adults.

Autistic People Have Atypical Left-Right Brain Symmetry

In autism, the left and right sides of the brain don’t develop quite as evenly as they do in people without autism. It’s normal that there is some brain area size variation (known as brain asymmetry) in even neurotypical people, but in people with autism, this left-right difference is smaller — and sometimes even reversed — in areas of the brain involved in thinking, emotions, and understanding others.

In a 2019 study, scientists looked at brain scans from a very large group (over 1,700 people with autism and over 1,800 without) and found that the biggest differences between autistic and neurotypical brains were in areas like the frontal lobe (important for decision-making and emotions), temporal lobe (understanding language and faces), and putamen (movement and habits).

“As we found altered asymmetry of various additional regions, our findings suggest broader disruption of lateralized neurodevelopment as part of the ASD phenotype. We note that many of the regions that showed significant case–control differences in asymmetry, including medial frontal, anterior cingulate, and inferior temporal regions, overlap with the default mode network (DMN)” (Postema et al., 2019).

The differences in brain asymmetry were small yet consistent across people, and they didn’t seem to be explained by age, gender, intelligence, or medications. This suggests that slightly unusual left-right brain development may be one of the identifiable features of autism, although more research is needed.

AI System Diagnoses Autism with 98.5% Accuracy

Researchers developed an artificial intelligence (AI) system in 2023 that can diagnose autism in children aged 2 to 4 years with 98.5 percent accuracy. Using a special type of brain scan called a diffusion tensor MRI (DT-MRI), the scan measures how water moves along white matter pathways in the brain, helping detect abnormal brain connections linked to autism. The AI system analyzes these pathways and compares them to typical brain patterns, identifying differences related to social and behavioral difficulties:

"DT-MRI captures these abnormal connections [in autistic brains] that lead to the symptoms that children with autism often have, such as impaired social communication and repetitive behaviors” (Gregory N. Barnes, M.D., Ph.D.).

When the DT-MRI scan was tested on 226 children, the system showed extremely impressive results: 97 percent sensitivity, 98 percent specificity, and an accuracy of 98.5 percent in identifying autistic children. Results like these suggest that there are quantifiable and measurable differences between neurotypical and autistic brains.

Autistic People Make More Consistent Choices and Rational Decisions

A 2017 study published in Psychological Science revealed that autistic people tend to make more consistent, logical decisions and are less likely to change their preferences based on the context of the choices they're given. This means they aren’t as easily influenced by tricks like adding a “decoy” option to sway their choice — a ploy that often works on neurotypical people. This also fits with past research showing autistic people focus more on individual details rather than the big picture.

“People with autism spectrum conditions made fewer context-induced preference reversals than did neurotypical individuals. That is, [autistic people] made more conventionally rational decisions” (Farmer et al., 2017).

Why Do Autistic People Tend to be More Rational?

Scientists hypothesize that autistic people are harder to sway from logical choices because they process information more directly without being as influenced by what others might think, or by their own past expectations. Some theories explain this as autistic people having “flatter priors” (ie. their brains rely less on previous experiences when making decisions and focus more on what’s right in front of them).

Granted, this particular study only had about 300 participants, but that’s still a sizable sample size and lines up with results found in multiple earlier studies. Results like these tend to point to the idea that autistic people have a different way of thinking compared to neurotypical people.

Autistic People Have Unique Mental Imagery Abilities

A smaller (82 participants) 2024 study published in Autism Research found that autistic people have atypical mental imagery abilities — that is, autistic adults have some differences in how they use mental imagery compared to non-autistic people.

In tasks where participants had to create or rotate mental images, autistic and non-autistic participants performed about the same. However, autistic people were better at holding visual patterns in their minds, showing stronger image maintenance. Additionally, when participants had to mentally scan an image, non-autistic people took longer when scanning farther distances, but autistic people stayed equally fast no matter how far they scanned.

“Results from the visual pattern test evidenced a greater ability to maintain mental images in autistic individuals… In summary, our findings support the hypothesis of typical or superior mental imagery abilities among autistic individuals” (Bled et al., 2024).

These findings suggest that mental imagery in autism works differently than in neurotypical brains and may rely more on direct perception rather than being shaped by language or prior knowledge.

Video Game Distinguishes Children with Autism

A 2025 study published in the The British Journal of Psychiatry shows that a video game method can distinguish autistic kids from neurotypical kids with an astonishing 80 percent success rate. It can also distinguish autistic kids from ADHD kids with a 70 percent success rate — very impressive, especially considering the high degree of overlap between autism and ADHD. (To read more about the autism/ADHD overlap, check out my article Autism & ADHD: The AuDHD Among Us.)

The video game method, known as a Computerized Assessment of Motor Imitation (CAMI), records a child’s movements as they mimic an on-screen character. CAMI then scores the child’s imitation ability, which correlates strongly with autism symptoms like social difficulties and repetitive behaviors.

“Four levels of analyses confirm that poor imitation measured by the low-cost and scalable CAMI method specifically distinguishes ASD not only from neurotypical development, but also from commonly co-occurring ADHD” (Santra et al., 2025).

Easy Assessment Option for Children

Unlike traditional autism assessments that focus on communication, CAMI targets sensory-motor challenges, revealing differences between autism and ADHD. More research is needed (as the study included less than 200 children), but CAMI is a promising clinical tool for helping to distinguish autistic and/or ADHD children from their neurotypical peers.

While the potential use of CAMI to determine neurodivergent children isn’t definite proof of autistic and ADHD people having different brain structures, it certainly contributes to the hypothesis that they do.

Neurodivergence Isn’t Just in the Mind — It’s in the Matter

In summary, these studies point to a clear and compelling truth: autistic brains are not broken or deficient, but rather different in tangible, structural, and observable ways. From neuron density and structural asymmetry to decision-making styles and mental imagery, autistic individuals show consistent patterns that set them apart from neurotypical brains. These neurological signatures are helping scientists diagnose autism earlier, understand it better across the lifespan, and — perhaps most importantly — shift the narrative around autism and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

⬇️ What do you think about the research and studies? Let me and others know in the comment section below! ⬇️

Leave a comment

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey; it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

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The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

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I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Growing up in the 90s, there were often some kids in our elementary schools or high schools who were “just a little bit different,” or who didn’t quite fit in with everyone else, but often were at least of average intelligence—if not above-average intelligence. These children and teenagers were often diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. But what is Asperger’s Syndrome, and why isn’t it a diagnosis anymore?

In this article, I’ll discuss the history of Asperger’s Syndrome (as well as the man who described the condition), the controversy around the term, and where we’re at now with it.

A Digestible History of Asperger’s Syndrome

Asperger’s Syndrome (sometimes referred to as Asperger’s or Asperger’s Disorder) was first introduced to the medical community by Hans Asperger in his article “‘Autistic Psychopathy’ in Childhood,” published in 1944.

By the time his paper was published, Asperger had already spent years studying what he called “autistic psychopathy,” having observed and analyzed more than 200 children. He described a few specific children—four boys he studied intensely—as having a "lack of empathy, poor ability to make friends, unidirectional conversation, strong preoccupation with special interests, and awkward movements.” However, he also described them as “little teachers” because they were able to talk about their favorite subjects at length and in great detail (special interests, much?).

Despite the release of Asperger’s study, it went largely unnoticed by the English-speaking medical community for decades until other researchers brought it into the spotlight.

How the Term “Asperger’s Syndrome” Originated

Lorna Wing, a British psychiatrist notable for her research into autism, first coined the term "Asperger’s Syndrome” in 1976. She chose the term in order to avoid potential misunderstandings regarding the term “autistic psychopathy”—the original term that Asperger had used.

However, the term didn’t become widely known until Wing published “Asperger’s Syndrome: A Clinical Account” in the Journal of Psychological Medicine in 1981. In the study, she suggested that Asperger’s Syndrome ought to be placed on the autism spectrum as there were some overlapping symptoms, although not everyone agreed with her.

Asperger’s Syndrome Added in the DSM-IV (1994)

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (commonly referred to as the DSM-IV), published in 1994, officially recognized Asperger’s Syndrome as a distinct diagnosis within the broader category of pervasive developmental disorders.

Unlike classic autism, individuals diagnosed with Asperger’s were typically noted to have average to above-average intelligence and no significant delays in language development, though they still exhibited marked difficulties with social interaction, communication, and restricted or repetitive interests. This distinction allowed clinicians to identify and support a subset of autistic individuals whose traits often went unnoticed under earlier diagnostic criteria.

Asperger’s Syndrome Removed from the DSM-V (2013)

When the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V) was released in 2013, Asperger’s Syndrome was removed as a separate diagnosis and merged into the broader category of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

This change reflected a growing consensus among experts that autism-related conditions exist along a continuum rather than as distinct disorders. The revision aimed to improve diagnostic consistency and recognize the wide variation in how autism presents—from individuals with significant support needs to those with average or high intelligence who may have previously been diagnosed with Asperger’s.

Although the term Asperger’s Syndrome is still commonly used in everyday conversation, it is no longer an official clinical diagnosis as of 2013. I touched on some more about the Asperger’s Syndrome versus autism confusion in my article Why is Everyone Autistic Now?

Controversy Surrounding Asperger’s Syndrome

While it’s no longer a clinical term, many people still identify with the term “Asperger’s” because it was part of their personal diagnostic history or identity. Some of the reasons Asperger’s Syndrome was folded into the broader category of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) include:

• Improved Accuracy: By combining Asperger’s Syndrome into the autism spectrum, clinicians hoped to improve diagnostic accuracy and consistency. This helps ensure that people with similar needs get similar support, regardless of the specific label.

• Avoiding Confusion: The separate label of Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes led to misunderstandings about what autism looks like, especially when people assumed Asperger’s was “milder” or fundamentally different. The new spectrum approach emphasizes that autism varies in intensity and presentation rather than being separate conditions.

• A Lack of Clear Boundaries: Experts found that the differences between Asperger’s Syndrome and other forms of autism were not consistent or well-defined. People diagnosed with Asperger’s often had similar traits and challenges as those with what was previously called “high-functioning autism.”

🧠 NeuroTip: Many autistic people dislike the term “high-functioning” when it comes to autism because it dismisses support needs and can be misleading. Even those with so-called “high-functioning” autism still struggle immensely.

Hans Asperger’s Nazi Ties

Another reason the term Asperger’s Syndrome has fallen out of favor is because of the ties Asperger had to the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (NSDAP)—more commonly referred to as the Nazi Party. Much of the early literature on Asperger either ignored or downplayed any involvement, often portraying him as a defender of autistic children. The truth, however, is more sinister.

Asperger advanced his career under the Nazi regime, partly due to the removal of Jewish doctors after the 1938 annexation of Austria. While he may have not been a hardcore Nazi ideologue, he made political concessions and collaborated to some extent with Nazi racial hygiene policies, and had been “accused on uncertain grounds of harboring sympathy for Nazi politics.”

More damningly, Asperger actively participated in sending several autistic children to Am Spiegelgrund, a children’s clinic in Vienna during WWII, to be “euthanized” (read: murdered) by the Nazis. One gravesite of child victims reads (in German):

“In memory of the children and adolescents who fell victim to [Nazi] euthanasia as ‘life unworthy of life’ from 1940 to 1945 in the former children's hospital Am Spiegelgrund.”

Conclusion: Understanding the Past, Navigating the Present

The story of Asperger’s Syndrome is complex: rooted in evolving science, shifting diagnostic standards, and a deeply troubling historical legacy. While the term once helped identify and support individuals who were often misunderstood or overlooked, its removal from the DSM-V and the revelations about Hans Asperger's Nazi affiliations have led to necessary reexaminations of how we talk about the syndrome today.

Despite no longer being used in clinical settings, the term “Asperger’s” remains a meaningful part of many people’s identities. Some find clarity or community in the term, while others embrace the more inclusive language of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Ultimately, what matters most is listening to autistic voices, respecting personal preferences, and continuing to move toward a more nuanced, compassionate understanding of neurodiversity.

As we look back at the history of Asperger’s Syndrome, it’s not just about a diagnosis; it’s about the people behind it, the systems that shaped it, and the ongoing effort to support and affirm every autistic person, no matter where they fall on the spectrum.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey; it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

20 Potential Signs of Undiagnosed Autism

Many undiagnosed autistic people go through life believing their unique habits, sensitivities, and social struggles are simply part of their personality. In reality, what feels “normal” to them can actually be subtle signs of autism—especially when these traits show up consistently and impact daily life.

A lot of these 20 signs get brushed off as someone just being “kinda weird” or “overly sensitive,” but they may actually point to autism.

Important Note: This list is for awareness, not diagnosis. If you recognize yourself or someone you love here, consider speaking with an autism-informed professional for support and evaluation.

1. Constantly Replaying Conversations in Your Head

Many autistic individuals spend hours mentally replaying or ruminating on past conversations, analyzing every word and inflection to figure out if they made a social misstep. This can feel like a natural form of introspection, but it's often rooted in anxiety about social rules that feel invisible or unclear.

Rather than moving on easily from interactions, autistic people may become stuck in loops of self-doubt, trying to decode unspoken meanings or anticipate future consequences. And when you’ve spent your whole life being misunderstood, this unfortunately makes quite a bit of sense.

2. Exhaustion After Social Events

Socializing as an autistic person can often feel like a performance, especially when you're constantly monitoring your body language, tone of voice, and responses. For undiagnosed autistic people, even short interactions can leave them mentally and physically drained.

This is often mistaken for introversion, but it goes deeper than that: it's the toll of masking autistic traits to navigate neurotypical spaces. Research shows that masking or camouflaging autistic traits requires intense emotional and physical effort, often leading to immediate exhaustion, anxiety, and longer-term harm.

3. Strong Preference for Routine and Predictability

Changes in plans can trigger a disproportionate sense of distress in autistic people because we build routines that help us feel secure and in control of our environment. When something disrupts that, it can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under us. Others might see our reactions and call us "rigid" or "inflexible," but for the autistic brain, predictability is a form of self-regulation.

4. Difficulty with Small Talk

Engaging in casual chit-chat can feel pointless or even stressful. Many autistic people prefer deeper, more meaningful conversations and struggle with the performative nature of social pleasantries. (And let’s be real: the only socially acceptable answer to “How are you?” is “Good,” so let’s not pretend like most people really care. It is a performance.)

We also tend not to understand why others value small talk so highly, and our avoidance of it is often misread as aloofness or disinterest when it’s really that we’d prefer to talk about something with more depth.

5. Intense Special Interests

Rather than dabbling in a wide variety of hobbies, autistic individuals often dive deeply into one or two interests, becoming highly knowledgeable and passionate about them (*gestures at this website and its content*). These interests often provide joy, comfort, and even a sense of identity. Others might view this as being obsessive or "too much," but it's a common and fulfilling trait in autistic people. Go big or go home, baby!

6. Literal Thinking

Understanding sarcasm, metaphors, or abstract language can be a challenge for many autistic people. We tend to interpret language very literally, which can lead to confusion or unintentional misunderstandings. This isn't a lack of intelligence, but a different cognitive style that prefers direct and precise communication. In neurotypical terms, I guess you could say that we don’t like to beat around the bush.

7. Sensory Sensitivities

Everyday sensations that others barely notice—like fluorescent lights, background noises, or clothing tags—can be overwhelming for autistic people. (“How does no one else hear that buzzing sound?!”) We often have heightened or altered sensory processing, making certain environments physically uncomfortable or even unbearable. Undiagnosed autistics may not realize this isn't everyone's experience and assume they're just "picky," “sensitive,” or easily irritated.

8. Masking or Mimicking Others Socially

To avoid judgment or fit in, many autistic people subconsciously mimic others' gestures, tone, or mannerisms. This camouflaging behavior is often developed over years and can be so automatic that the person doesn't even realize they're doing it! While it helps us blend in, it also contributes to burnout and a fragile sense of identity.

9. Feeling “Different” Without Knowing Why

From a young age, many undiagnosed autistic individuals feel like outsiders. We notice that we don’t connect with peers the same way others do, but can’t quite explain it. I actually wrote a whole blog post about this topic:

This persistent feeling of being out of step with the world often leads to anxiety, loneliness, and a deep desire to find a sense of belonging.

10. Avoiding Eye Contact

Eye contact can feel invasive, intense, or distracting. While many neurotypical people use eye contact to build rapport, autistic individuals often find uncomfortable or even painful. We often learn to fake it or to focus on a point near someone’s eyes to avoid seeming rude, and all without understanding why it feels so unnatural.

11. Talking Too Much or Too Little in Conversations

Navigating the rhythm of conversation can be tricky. Some autistic people dominate discussions without realizing it while others go silent out of fear of saying the wrong thing. This difficulty with turn-taking and reading social cues often leads to misunderstandings and social rejection for us.

12. Sensory-Seeking Behaviors

In addition to sensory avoidance, autistic people may seek out specific sensations or stims to soothe and regulate themselves. This could include rocking, tapping, or pacing. These repetitive behaviors may look odd to others, but serve an important self-calming and self-regulation function for autistics.

13. Trouble Starting or Transitioning Between Tasks

Even tasks autistic people are excited about can feel impossible to begin. This executive dysfunction is often misread as laziness or procrastination, but it's really about struggling with the mental steps involved in initiating or switching focus. Routine and structure can help, but it doesn’t eliminate the challenge.

14. Difficulty Understanding Unspoken Rules

Many autistic people find social norms baffling and arbitrary. We often need to learn explicitly what others pick up intuitively: how close to stand, when to speak, how to greet someone, etc. Without clear guidelines, we often feel lost or repeatedly make social errors we don’t understand.

15. Anxiety Around Phone Calls or Unexpected Visitors

A ringing phone or an unannounced knock can spark panic in autistic people. These interruptions feel intrusive, unpredictable, and demand rapid social performance. Many of us dread these moments and go to great lengths to avoid them, although that often leads to us being labeled as shy or antisocial.

16. Highly Specific Food Preferences or Aversions

Food isn't just about taste but also texture, smell, and even color. Autistic individuals often have "safe foods" we eat repeatedly, and some of us may even avoid entire food groups due to sensory issues. This can be misread as being fussy or having disordered eating when it’s actually more sensory-based.

That being said, a sizable proportion of autistic people have Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), which can lead them to eating an even more restricted diet.

17. Deep Empathy—but Difficulty Expressing It “Correctly”

Despite the stereotype of lacking empathy, many autistic people feel emotions deeply and care intensely about others. However, we may not show it in conventional ways, leading others to misunderstand us as cold or indifferent (sometimes referred to as the double empathy problem). In truth, some of us experience overwhelming emotional resonance to the point where it can become debilitating.

🧠 NeuroTip: If you resonate with this topic, it might be worth looking into empathic attunement.

18. Being Labeled as “Too Sensitive” or “Too Intense”

Whether it’s reacting strongly to injustice, personal criticism (which can tie into rejection sensitivity dysphoria [RSD]), or sensory overload, autistic people are often told to "toughen up" or to “stop being so sensitive.” However, our intense reactions aren't overreactions. Instead, they reflect a nervous system that's more sensitive to both emotional and physical stimuli.

19. Social Burnout that Lasts for Days

After masking and navigating complex social environments, autistic people may need significant recovery time. This isn’t just introversion; it's social exhaustion that affects our cognitive function, mood, and even physical health. It often goes unnoticed because we hide it well—until we crash.

20. Struggling to Ask for Help or Advocate for Yourself

Expressing needs can be incredibly difficult for autistic people, especially in high-pressure or emotionally charged situations. We fear being misunderstood, rejected, or burdensome. We often stay silent until we reach a breaking point, at which others may only then notice something is wrong.

Conclusion: It Was Never “Just You”

If you saw yourself in this list, you’re not alone—and you’re most certainly not broken. Many autistic people go undiagnosed for years (or even decades) because their traits are misunderstood, masked, or mistaken for something else entirely. (Personally, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 34 years old!) What the world sees as quirks, flaws, or personality traits may actually be signs of a beautifully different neurotype trying to thrive in a world that isn’t built for it.

Recognizing these patterns can be the first step toward self-understanding, healing, and finding the support you deserve. Whether you pursue a formal diagnosis or simply start connecting the dots for yourself, know this: your experiences are valid, and there’s nothing wrong with needing different tools, routines, or boundaries to feel okay in the world.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey; it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Willful ignorance. Weaponized confusion. Strategic misunderstanding. Whatever you want to call it, the fact of the matter is that you can’t explain something to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. It’s a simple truth, but one that often gets lost in the exhausting effort to clarify, rephrase, and defend ourselves.

Strategic misunderstanding happens when someone pretends not to grasp what you're saying because it benefits them not to. It’s a subtle form of manipulation that keeps conversations stuck, reinforces power imbalances, and protects fragile egos or entrenched biases.

In order to explore this topic more deeply, we need to understand why people intentionally misunderstand us in the first place. There are a number of reasons why it happens, and recognizing these techniques is key to being able to address them when you encounter them in your daily life. This article will cover some of the reasons that people might engage in intentional misunderstanding and discusses how you might respond when you encounter these tactics.

Emotional or Psychological Motives for Intentional Misunderstanding

Not all misunderstanding stems from a lack of information or clarity. Sometimes, it's rooted in emotion and self-preservation. When someone is committed to misunderstanding you, their reasons often go beyond confusion. They may feel threatened, embarrassed, or uncomfortable, and rather than face those emotions, they retreat behind a façade of “not getting it.” While these responses aren’t always conscious or malicious, they are strategic in their own way.

Ego Protection

Accepting your point may require someone admitting they were wrong, uninformed, or insensitive. Many people would rather be intentionally obtuse rather than admit they were in the wrong.

➜ Example: You calmly point out that a coworker’s comment in a meeting came off as dismissive. Instead of reflecting on it, they respond with, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I was just joking anyway, so how could that possibly be dismissive?”

This response avoids admitting fault and shifts the burden back to you, making you seem overly sensitive or confused instead of admitting that they were, in fact, being insensitive.

↠ Response Example: “I understand that you meant it as a joke, but the impact still felt dismissive to me. I’m not questioning your intent; I’m just letting you know how it came across. If we can both be open to feedback, it helps everyone feel more respected."

This response addresses your coworker's defensive reaction by acknowledging their stated intent while maintaining focus on the actual impact. It keeps the conversation centered on your experience rather than getting derailed into arguments about whether they "meant it that way." By avoiding escalation and reinforcing your boundary, you create space for mutual respect while refusing to let their ego protection derail the original concern.

Avoiding Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is when your brain feels uncomfortable because you're holding two conflicting ideas at the same time, or when your actions don't match your beliefs. In this way, your perspective may challenge someone’s deeply held beliefs or values that they’re not ready to examine in themselves. In order to avoid confronting the cognitive dissonance, they might pretend to not understand what you’re saying.

➜ Example: You explain to a family member that some commonly accepted parenting techniques are actually harmful to children. Rather than engage with the idea, they say, “That doesn’t make any sense. We all turned out fine, so I don’t see the problem.”

They're not engaging with the topic presented; they’re avoiding the internal discomfort of rethinking how they raised their own kids.

↠ Response Example: "I get that this might be hard to hear because it challenges a lot of what we were taught to believe. I’m not saying everything was wrong or done with bad intentions. I’m just saying we now understand things differently, and it’s worth thinking about how we can do better going forward."

This response recognizes the emotional difficulty of confronting long-held beliefs without retreating from your original point. By emphasizing learning and growth rather than blame, you reduce their defensiveness and reframe the conversation as moving forward together rather than relitigating the past. The approach acknowledges their discomfort while gently leaving space for self-reflection, even if they're not prepared to engage with it immediately.

Feeling Superior

Misunderstanding you can be a way to paint you as irrational, emotional, "being too sensitive," or "not making sense." When someone deliberately misinterprets your clear communication, they can then point to their confusion as evidence that you're the one with the problem, or that you're overreacting, being unclear, or simply difficult to work with. This flips the script entirely, transforming their refusal to engage honestly into your apparent inability to communicate effectively.

➜ Example: You bring up how a particular social dynamic excludes certain people. Someone replies with, “You always read too much into things. No one else has a problem with it!”

This paints you as overly analytical or dramatic, allowing them to feel more grounded or “normal” by comparison.

↠ Response Example: "I know this might not seem like a big deal to you, but it has a real impact on people like me. Just because others haven’t said anything doesn’t mean it’s not a problem; it might just mean they don’t feel safe speaking up. I’m sharing this because it matters—not because I’m trying to make a fuss."

This response validates your own perspective without becoming defensive or escalating the conflict. It addresses a key blind spot: silence from others doesn't necessarily indicate agreement or absence of a problem, but may reflect people's reluctance to speak up in difficult situations. By redirecting attention from your supposed "oversensitivity" back to the substantive issue, you demonstrate emotional clarity and maintain your dignity while countering their attempt to frame you as irrational.

Controlling the Narrative

If someone controls how your words are interpreted, they control the conversation. They may intentionally misinterpret your clear message in order to push the narrative that suits them best.

➜ Example: You say, “I feel ignored when you talk over me,” and the other person responds with, “So now you're calling me abusive? That's ridiculous!”

By exaggerating and/or twisting your words, they frame the conversation around your supposed irrationality instead of the real issue: your boundaries being crossed.

↠ Response Example: "That’s not what I said. I’m not calling you abusive. I’m telling you how it feels when I’m spoken over. I want to have a respectful conversation, and that starts with both of us being willing to listen to each other without jumping to extremes."

This response brings the conversation back to your actual words rather than their distorted version. It calmly dismisses their false accusation without becoming defensive or retaliating in kind. By establishing a clear boundary around respectful dialogue, you signal that manipulative tactics won't derail the discussion. The response also demonstrates the exact type of communication you're requesting—direct, clear, and measured—showing them what constructive engagement looks like rather than just demanding it.

Social or Relational Motives for Intentional Misunderstanding

In both personal and professional contexts, people may claim confusion not out of a lack of comprehension, but as a way to maintain control, sidestep accountability, or manipulate how they are perceived by others. These moments—often dismissed as harmless miscommunications—can instead reveal deeper patterns of avoidance and power maintenance that derail meaningful dialogue and erode trust.

Maintaining Power

Especially in hierarchical relationships, “not understanding” can subtly reinforce control, and pretending to be confused can quickly derail a conversation and put the other person on the defensive. When someone keeps asking for explanations of things that have already been made clear, it drains your energy and keeps the discussion stuck in place instead of moving forward.

➜ Example: In a workplace setting, you raise a valid concern about an unfair policy. Your manager responds with, “I’m not sure what you mean by ‘unfair.’ Can you explain it again in simpler terms?”

This feigned confusion reinforces their authority by putting you in a position where you have to justify yourself repeatedly while they maintain control over the conversation.

↠ Response Example: "I’m happy to clarify if something is genuinely unclear, but I’ve already explained the concern and would like us to focus on finding a solution now. The issue isn’t about the wording; it’s about how the policy affects people."

This response acknowledges the possibility of genuine confusion without allowing it to hijack the entire conversation. It reinforces that your original point was clear and pushes back against the need for endless justification. By shifting focus from explanation to action, you break the cycle of energy-draining clarification requests and move toward productive problem-solving. The approach also respectfully challenges the underlying power dynamic by maintaining your ground and refusing to let the conversation stall indefinitely on supposed misunderstandings.

Avoiding Accountability

Strategic misunderstanding provides an elegant escape route from responsibility. When confronted with the impact of their actions, someone can claim they "had no idea" or "didn't realize" the effect they were having. This feigned ignorance allows them to maintain their self-image as a good person while avoiding the discomfort of acknowledging harm caused—or the work required to address it.

➜ Example: You confront a roommate about never doing their share of the chores. They say, “Wait, I didn’t know we were supposed to take turns! I thought it was just whoever noticed something first.”

Notice how the roommate sidesteps responsibility by pretending the expectations were unclear, even though they were previously discussed.

↠ Response Example: "We’ve talked about this before, so I know the expectations were clear. I’m not trying to assign blame. I just need us both to follow through on what we agreed so the responsibility feels shared."

This response directly addresses the pattern of feigned ignorance without escalating into confrontation. It clearly establishes that the expectations were previously communicated, which undermines their claim of confusion. By framing the issue around shared responsibility rather than personal failings, you maintain a cooperative tone that makes it difficult for them to continue using the "I didn't know" defense. The approach focuses on moving forward with agreed-upon arrangements rather than getting stuck relitigating what was already established.

Gaining Social Leverage

Someone may twist your words to rally others against you, or to position themselves as the more "reasonable" one. They may take a snippet of what you said out of context, intentionally misunderstanding your true meaning in order to paint you as the problem.

➜ Example: You privately express discomfort to someone about how they joke about race. Later, you hear they told others, “I can’t even joke around anymore because [your name] accused me of being racist!”

They misrepresent your concern to paint themselves as the victim and you as hypersensitive, reinforcing their image as the "reasonable one."

↠ Response Example: "That’s not what I said, and it’s not fair to misrepresent a private conversation. I brought up something that made me uncomfortable because I trusted we could talk about it honestly. Turning that into a public complaint changes the context and puts words in my mouth."

This response directly confronts the misrepresentation without resorting to name-calling or escalation. It highlights the breach of trust involved in distorting a private conversation and calls attention to how context was deliberately altered. By refocusing on your original concern rather than their attempt to reframe you as the problem, you reclaim control of the narrative. The approach demonstrates awareness of their manipulative tactic while maintaining your dignity and avoiding the drama they're trying to create.

Preserving Comfort

Your message might introduce discomfort or conflict someone doesn’t want to engage with, and they might choose to preserve their own comfort over addressing your concerns.

➜ Example: At your birthday dinner, you mention that certain traditions (like blowing out birthday candles or having everyone sing “Happy Birthday”) can be overwhelming to some people, including yourself. Your mother says, “You need to get over it and stop complaining.”

Here, your mother chooses her own comfort over addressing the substance of your point, effectively shutting it down. Rather than engaging with your actual communication about sensory overwhelm, she reframes it as complaining, allowing her to avoid confronting the possibility that some family traditions might need adjustment.

↠ Response Example: "I’m not trying to ruin anything; I’m just sharing how certain things affect me. It might seem small to you, but it makes a big difference for me. I’m asking for a bit of understanding."

This response brings the focus back to your experience without making it sound like a demand or ultimatum. It acknowledges that what feels small to her has real impact on you, while clarifying that your intention isn't to complain but to advocate for your needs. By gently inviting empathy rather than demanding it, you create space for understanding without escalating the conflict or forcing her into a defensive position.

Preserving Plausible Deniability

Perhaps most cynically, strategic misunderstanding allows people to maintain their reputation as well-intentioned while continuing behaviors that serve their interests at others' expense. They can point to their confusion as evidence of their good faith engagement, even as their actions consistently work against the needs and rights of others. This creates a protective narrative where they're not the villain of the story; they're simply someone who just "doesn't quite get it," despite their best efforts (hold the eye rolls, please).

➜ Example: You explain to a colleague that consistently scheduling meetings during lunch breaks makes it harder for people with certain schedules to participate. They respond with, “Oh, I didn’t realize that was such a big deal. I just thought lunchtime was convenient for everyone.” However, they continue scheduling meetings during lunch over and over again. When confronted later, they say, “I didn’t mean to cause any problems…I’m just trying to make things work for the team!”

This pattern lets them maintain the appearance of being reasonable and unaware, while still prioritizing their own convenience at others' expense. Their repeated “confusion” becomes a shield against accountability.

↠ Response Example: "I understand if you didn’t realize the first time, but I’ve mentioned this more than once now. At this point, it’s less about misunderstanding and more about whether the concern is being taken seriously. I’m asking that we find a time that works better for everyone moving forward."

This response acknowledges that initial confusion might have been genuine without excusing the continued pattern of behavior. It draws a clear distinction between misunderstanding and disregard, naming the pattern without getting bogged down in debates about intent. By shifting focus toward finding solutions that work for everyone, you move past their deflection tactics while maintaining a calm but firm tone that reinforces your boundary and makes it harder for them to continue using confusion as a shield.

Conflict Avoidance or Deflection Motives for Intentional Misunderstanding

When conversations edge into discomfort or challenge the status quo, some people deploy strategic confusion not to engage, but to avoid. Feigned misunderstanding can function as a tool to delay, derail, or entirely shut down difficult discussions. Whether by claiming they don’t understand, shifting focus to someone’s tone, or asking to “talk later,” these tactics create barriers to resolution and understanding. Rather than promoting clarity or connection, they serve to deflect accountability and preserve emotional comfort—often at the cost of progress and mutual respect.

Derailing or Delaying a Difficult Conversation

Intentional misunderstanding can be a stalling tactic in order to either derail or delay difficult conversations.

➜ Example: You try to talk to a partner about how certain behaviors are hurtful. They respond, “I don’t really get what you’re trying to say. Can we talk about it another time?”

Even if “another time” never comes, the delay tactic gives them an escape route from the discomfort of confrontation.

↠ Response Example: "I understand this might be uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s important to me, and I’d really appreciate if we could address it now rather than putting it off again. Avoiding it doesn’t make the issue go away; it just makes it harder to work through."

This response acknowledges the discomfort of difficult conversations while emphasizing their importance and urgency. It gently calls out the pattern of delay without sounding accusatory, and keeps the focus on actually resolving the issue rather than allowing it to be continuously postponed. By setting a firm but respectful boundary around avoidance, you address a common dynamic in relationships where important conversations get indefinitely sidestepped, making it clear that postponement isn't a solution.

Shutting Down the Topic Entirely

Sometimes, “I don’t get what you’re saying” is a wall instead of a door. If someone pretends not to comprehend the point you’re trying to make, it can be almost impossible to engage with them about the topic.

➜ Example: You say, “I feel dismissed when my ideas are ignored in meetings,” and a coworker replies with, “Honestly, I don’t understand what you’re talking about at all.”

By feigning complete confusion, they effectively cut off the conversation. There’s nowhere to go from “I don’t get it,” no matter how clear you were.

↠ Response Example: "It sounds like you're having trouble understanding, but I’ve tried to be as clear as I can. If you're genuinely open to hearing me, I’m willing to explain once more—but only if it’s coming from a place of wanting to understand and not just to shut the conversation down."

This response offers your coworker an opportunity to genuinely re-engage while making it clear that their shutdown tactic hasn't gone unnoticed—that is, you're willing to make one more attempt at explanation, but only if they're approaching it with authentic intent to understand rather than simply trying to end the conversation. By establishing a boundary around your time and energy, you avoid the trap of endless repetition while shifting the responsibility for meaningful engagement back to them. The tone remains assertive but respectful, which helps prevent defensiveness while directly addressing the problematic dynamic.

Redirecting Focus

In order to avoid deflect or avoid potential conflict, someone may steer the discussion toward your “tone,” “word choice,” or “attitude” in order to avoid the actual meaning of your words. In fact, you often didn’t use any harsh tone, words, or have an attitude—and yet they still accuse you of being rude. It’s absolutely exhausting!

➜ Example: You calmly bring up a recurring issue in your friendship. Instead of addressing it, your friend says, “Wow, you’re being really aggressive right now. I don’t like your tone.”

Now, the focus is on your delivery rather than your message, derailing the discussion and putting you on the defensive. You find yourself having to defend yourself instead of being able to address the substance of your message.

↠ Response Example: "I hear that my tone didn’t land well for you, and I’m open to talking about that—but I also want to make sure we don’t lose sight of the issue I brought up. Can we focus on that first, and then circle back to how it was communicated if we need to?"

This response acknowledges their reaction to your tone without allowing it to completely derail the original conversation. It effectively brings the focus back to the substantive issue while setting a respectful boundary that tone concerns can be addressed separately rather than used to avoid the main topic entirely. By preventing the shift from meaningful discussion to self-defense, you create space for more productive dialogue that actually addresses what you originally brought up rather than getting stuck defending how you said it.

Spoiler Alert: They’re Not Really Confused (and That’s the Problem)

Not every misunderstanding comes from a lack of communication skills or genuine confusion. Sometimes, it’s strategic—used to deflect accountability, preserve comfort, or maintain control. Recognizing when someone is committed to misunderstanding you is not about assuming bad intentions in every interaction, but rather about noticing patterns: are there constant and repeated deflections, feigned confusion, and conversations that never seem to go anywhere (no matter how clearly or calmly you speak)?

Once you see the patterns, you can stop over-explaining yourself, quit questioning your clarity, and start protecting your energy. You don’t owe unlimited explanations to someone who’s unwilling to engage in good faith. Understanding is a two-way street, and some people refuse to even walk to the curb. Knowing this doesn’t make it easier, but it does help you navigate interactions more wisely, choose your battles more deliberately, and redirect your efforts toward people who are actually listening.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Executive dysfunction is a common symptom of both Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), but it can and does happen to everyone at some point in their lives. Have you ever had an exceptionally long day at work and forgot to pick up a gallon of milk on the way home? That’s executive dysfunction—albeit on a much smaller scale.

In this article, I’ll cover what executive dysfunction is, how it might present itself, and then offer a number of tips and tricks that I’ve learned living with previously undiagnosed autism and ADHD that helped me manage it. Even if you aren’t on the spectrum, you might learn a few productivity hacks!

I’d also like to take this time to point out that your disorders are yours to manage. You don’t get to keep forgetting your sister’s birthday year after year after year and then fall back on the “I can’t help it! I have ADHD!” excuse. You may have ADHD. Yes, it does make it more difficult to remember things like birthdays and anniversaries. That being said, there are a ton of resources available to people nowadays like calendars, Google alerts, and phone reminders to ensure that you don’t forget important events, dates, and times. Your disorders are not your fault, but they are your responsibility to manage.

Now, with that being said…

What is Executive Dysfunction?

Executive dysfunction refers to difficulties with brain functions regarding planning, focusing, remembering instructions, and managing multiple tasks. These skills (unsurprisingly referred to as executive functions) are crucial for organizing thoughts, making decisions, and achieving goals.

The three main executive functions are working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibition control:

1. Working memory helps you hold and use information in the moment. It’s essential for tasks like following instructions, taking notes, or holding a conversation—anything that requires active, short-term mental focus.

2. Cognitive flexibility (also known as flexible thinking) is your brain’s ability to adapt, shift between ideas, and respond to change. It supports creativity and problem-solving by allowing you to make connections between different concepts and adjust to new situations.

3. Inhibition control is the ability to manage impulses, emotions, and behaviors. It includes behavioral control (stopping yourself from acting on urges) and interference control (staying focused and tuning out distractions, including your own thoughts).

Together, these functions help you stay organized, focused, and able to respond effectively to daily demands. For those who struggle with executive dysfunction, even simple tasks can become much more difficult to tackle, taking up a ton of focus and energy just to stay on track.

What are Potential Signs of Executive Dysfunction?

Some potential signs of executive functioning issues in might include:

• difficulty staying focused or completing tasks

• trouble making decisions

• poor impulse control

• emotional outbursts or frustration

• disorganization at home or work

• losing track of personal items

• inability to follow instructions or manage time (also referred to as time blindness)

Executive dysfunction can manifest in a variety of ways, so understand that this is by no means an exhaustive list of potential signs. Speak with a medical or healthcare professional if you think you might struggle with executive dysfunction.

Tips & Tricks for Managing Executive Dysfunction

If you struggle with executive functioning issues (like I do), there are a number of tips and tricks I’ve learned that can help you. Of course, not every suggestion will work for every person, but I recommend trying a few out and seeing which ones help you the most. Combining techniques can also lead to improvements in executive function; you just have to figure out which ones work best for you!

Use Visual/Audio Reminders

I am a huge proponent of using visual or audio cues and reminders to help me remember to do—or not do—a huge variety of things. This concept is referred to as externalizing working memory and is commonly seen in autistic and ADHD people. For example, if I need to remember to schedule a dentist appointment but don’t have the time to do it right away, I’ll put a sticky note on my laptop keyboard reading “dentist appointment.” That way, when I sit down later, I’ll be reminded that I need to do that before I do anything else.

Audio reminders are also helpful, like having a certain ringtone for certain tasks. Most smart phones nowadays are able to customize alarms, which means that if you need to let your dogs out around noon everyday so they don’t go potty in the house, you could set up an alarm that plays “Who Let the Dogs Out?” by the Baha Men at 12 PM daily. It’d be an obvious audio cue to go let your dogs out!

I also use visual reminders as a way to remember not to do something. For example, I often forget when I start the dishwasher and have inadvertently opened it in the middle of the cycle several times, interrupting the washing process. To prevent this, I started hanging a spray bottle on the handle of the dishwasher. Why? Because it’s bizarre to see a spray bottle hanging there and it makes me stop before I mindlessly open the dishwasher. I see the bottle, remember that the washer is running, and then am sure not to open it mid-cycle.

Chunking

Chunking is the super-technical term that refers to breaking down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable tasks. For example, if we look at a given task of “cleaning the kitchen,” there are actually a number of smaller tasks within, including:

• wiping down the countertops and appliances

• doing the dishes

• cleaning out the sink

• taking out the trash and replacing the trash bag

• sweeping and mopping the floor

…and probably several other tasks I’m overlooking as well. So, if we were to chunk the overall task of “cleaning the kitchen,” it might be easier to make a list like the bullet points above and check them off as you go to make the whole task seem less daunting.

🧠 NeuroTip: I found a great resource for chunking called goblin.tools. It’s an app that clearly lays out the steps needed to complete tasks, even for larger tasks like moving or finding a new job. Give it a try and see what you think!

Set Yourself Up for Success

I know this sounds like some new-agey mumbo jumbo, but hear me out: the goal here is to make success as easy for yourself as possible. For example, if your goal is to stop spending so much money eating out, do a big meal prep day before the work week starts. That way, you have lunches to bring with you to work (or even to eat at home), and that can help reduce the compulsion to swing by McDonald’s during your lunch break because it’s “easier.”

For myself, I try to get my workout gear set up the night before. If I want to go swim laps the next morning, I’ll get my bag packed with my swim gear, a towel, and a change of clothes. I’ve noticed that I’m far more likely to go swimming if I’ve made it easy for myself to go rather than if I have to pack my gear in the morning. I’ve heard others say that they put their packed gym bag in the backseat of their car so that they’re more likely to swing by the gym after work.

Take Breaks

In an almost counter-intuitive way, it can be helpful to plan out scheduled breaks if you struggle with executive dysfunction. This is a well-known technique called the Pomodoro Technique, and it works very well for a large subset of people. Here is a breakdown of the technique:

1. Identify Tasks: List out the task(s) you need to complete.

2. Set the Timer: Set a timer for 25 minutes.

3. Focused Work: Work on your task(s) without distractions during for 25 minutes.

4. Short Break: Take a 5-minute break when the timer goes off.

5. Repeat: Repeat the 25-minute work and 5-minute break intervals four times.

6. Longer Break: After four "pomodoros," take a longer break of around 15-30 minutes.

7. Repeat: Repeat the cycle until completion.

You can vary the times to suit your needs, like working for 15 minutes and taking 10-minute breaks instead. As I said earlier in this article, it’s about finding what works for you!

Make Lists

Externalizing working memory (read: making lists) can be a great way to help manage executive dysfunction. Personally, I love using Google Keep as a list keeper for grocery, hardware, and other shopping. I have separate lists for different stores and even have one that I use as a storage tank for gift ideas for friends and family. I also like to group (or chunk) my grocery shopping lists into sections like fresh produce, meat, dairy, canned goods, etc. as that helps me manage shopping much more easily.

Lists are also great for keeping track of things that you need to take care of, like scheduling doctor or dentist appointments, renewing your auto insurance, or calling your grandmother on her birthday. I keep a notepad on my desk so I can jot down tasks that need to be done in the future, and since it’s kept on my desk, I have to look at it just about every day until the task gets crossed off the list.

“Just 10 Minutes”

Another technique that has worked quite well for me is something I call “Just 10 Minutes.” There are so many tasks and chores that I hate doing, or even situations that feel extremely overwhelming to the point where I can barely even wrap my brain around starting them.

In cases where I am very averse to doing something for whatever reason, I tell myself that I’m going to do whatever unpleasant task I’ve been putting off for “just 10 minutes.” Yeah, I know I don’t want to clean the bathroom, but let’s get started on it and I can stop after I’ve been working for 10 minutes. When I was in school, it was more about doing homework I didn’t want to do, or starting to study for a class that I wasn’t thrilled about.

What often happened, however, was that after "just 10 minutes,” I typically had garnered up enough inertia to keep rolling on the task; getting started had been the hardest part.

🧠 NeuroTip: If you’re struggling with something exceptionally difficult, try adjusting the rule to “Just 5 Minutes” and see if you can get the ball rolling with that.

Limit Multitasking

Trying to do too many things at once is a great way to end up doing nothing well. Many studies have shown that multitasking is detrimental to focus and output even in neurotypical people. I’d argue the effect is magnified in those with autism and ADHD, especially because we can find switching from one task to another very difficult.

If you do have several things that you need to attend to, consider setting aside chunks of time in which you will dedicate all your focus on a singular chosen task. For example, instead of trying to clean the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom all at the same time, it might be easier to focus on one room at a time, or even one task at a time (ie. laundry, sweeping, or wiping down counters).

Effectively Prioritize Tasks

One of the best ways to help get your executive dysfunction under control is to learn how to effectively prioritize tasks. If you have a list of 50 tasks you need to attend to, it might seem wise at first to start at the top and work your way down. But what if some of the tasks are time-sensitive? Are all of the tasks the same level importance, or are some okay to sit for a while?

A great tool for task prioritization is the Eisenhower Matrix, which I’m sure some of you have heard of before. Also known as the Urgent-Important Matrix, this is a simple decision-making tool that helps you prioritize tasks based on their urgency and importance. It’s named after U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower who was known for his productivity and effective time management. The matrix is divided into four quadrants:

1. Urgent and Important: Do it now! These are crucial, time-sensitive tasks like deadlines or emergencies.

2. Important but Not Urgent: Schedule it. These are tasks that matter for your long-term goals, but don’t need to be done immediately (like planning, exercising, or learning a new skill).

3. Urgent but Not Important: Delegate it. These tasks might need quick attention, but they don’t necessarily require your personal effort (like most emails, interruptions, or other routine tasks).

4. Not Urgent and Not Important: Delete or minimize it. This quadrant will have time-wasters or distractions that don’t add value to your life (like mindless scrolling, or unnecessary meetings or calls).

Using an Eisenhower Matrix helps you focus your time and energy on what truly matters instead of just reacting to whatever feels most urgent. Give it a try today!

Automate Tasks

Automating tasks can make it so you don’t have to devote extra mental effort to remembering to do things. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering to pay your credit card or utility bills on time, consider setting up automatic payments so that the bills always get paid. I set up automatic payments or most of my bills so that I never forget!

You can also automate updates for your phone, tablet, computer, gaming devices, and more. Scheduling them for times you’re likely to be sleeping tends to work best so that you don’t keep putting off the updates indefinitely.

Find Routines That Work For You

This wouldn’t be an article about autism if I didn’t mention routines, would it? Routines can be a powerful tool for managing executive dysfunction because they reduce the mental load required to both make decisions and remember what needs to be done.

When tasks become part of a predictable daily rhythm, they require less active planning and fewer executive resources to complete. For example, having a set morning routine—like brushing your teeth, taking medication, and drinking a big glass of water in the same order each day—can help reduce forgetfulness and increase efficiency.

Routines also create external structure, something that is especially helpful for autistic and/or ADHD people who struggle with initiating tasks or transitioning between them. By automating parts of your day through consistent habits, you conserve mental energy and leave more brainpower for the things that require more of your flexibility and focus.

Consider Professional Support

I understand that not everyone has the means to afford therapists and coaches, but if you do and you think it might be beneficial for you, consider hiring a therapist or coach. These trained professionals are specialized in offering additional resources to help you learn to manage executive functioning issues, along with a number of other issues relating to neurodiversity.

That being said, if you find a coach or therapist who allows you to get away with everything because “you have autism” or “you have ADHD,” I’d suggest finding another therapist. They shouldn’t be mean to you, but they should be holding you accountable and encouraging progress and growth.

Be Kind to Yourself

“I can’t believe you forgot to do something so simple! Did you seriously drive all the way to work without your work laptop? Even a child could remember to bring all their stuff to school! What’s wrong with you?!”

Perhaps to some of you, these thoughts might sound foreign and cruel, but to many of us with executive dysfunction (and/or perhaps less than ideal upbringings), they’re all too common.

It’s easy to become frustrated with yourself when you forget or make mistakes. We’re often our own worst critics, beating ourselves up internally. And yet, if a friend made a similar mistake, we wouldn’t dream of belittling them in the same way. So why is it okay that we do it to ourselves? The answer is that it’s not, and we should endeavor to be kinder to ourselves when we do inevitably make mistakes—because we all do.

Instead of beating yourself up, be proactive about the solutions going forward. If you are the person who drove to work without their work laptop for the fifth time, consider putting your car keys on top of your work laptop. That way, you’ll be reminded to grab your laptop before you leave for work. Remember that mistakes aren’t the problem; it’s changing your behavior going forward that counts.

Final Thoughts (Before I Forget What I Was Saying…)

Executive dysfunction can be frustrating, exhausting, and at times downright defeating—but it’s not a personal failing. Whether you’re neurodivergent or just having a rough week, struggling with executive function doesn’t make you lazy, broken, or incapable. It simply means your brain needs a bit of extra support and strategy.

The good news is that there are ways to work with your brain instead of against it. From reminders and routines to tools and techniques, you can build systems that lighten the mental load and help you get things done with a little less stress. Will you still forget things sometimes? Absolutely! But you’ll also get better at catching yourself, adapting, and moving forward with more grace and less guilt.

So try out some tips, tweak what doesn’t work, and celebrate what does! Let us know in the comments below what works best for you :). Progress doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to keep going.

… and hey, maybe write down your sister’s birthday right now? Y’know, just in case!

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

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I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Breathing: it’s essential to life, functioning, and even regulating our nervous systems. Better yet, it’s done automatically and without thinking. You’re probably conscious of your breathing now (only because I mentioned it), and for illustrative purposes, I’m asking you to take three breaths while being conscious of doing so:

1. Inhale, exhale.

2. Inhale, exhale.

3. Inhale, exhale.

Pretty simple, right?

But what if you had to do that all the time? Can you imagine how much more mental effort life would take if you had to consciously think about every breath you take? Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale—all day, every day, forever. I think we all can agree it’s a great mercy that we don’t have to be conscious of our breathing, or else it would be much more difficult to get just about anything done.

However, what does conscious breathing have to do with autism? Perhaps some of you might’ve already caught on, but for those who haven’t, let me elucidate further. As a reminder, if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. My experience as a Level 1 high-masking autistic is not everyone’s experience. Now, with that out of the way…

What Does Autism Feel Like?

I’ve been asked this question many times by friends and family, and I’ve been trying to find a good way to explain it in a way that non-autistics can understand and relate to. I’ve told them that I often have to script conversations in my head before they happen, closely monitor my word choices and tone, and ensure that I express the correct emotions and affect for certain situations.

“We all do that, though!” is what I’m often told—and you’re right. All people, neurodivergent or otherwise, sometimes make conscious decisions about their social interactions. It’s part of the human experience, for better or for worse. However, the key difference is that for non-autistics (and perhaps those without social anxiety), your thoughts aren’t wholly consumed by considerations regarding social interactions.

Conscious Breathing and Autistic Social Interactions

I bring up again the example of conscious breathing. Everyone consciously breathes sometimes (and I’m sure you’re now aware of your breath once more), but imagine that you had to do this all the time: constantly thinking about inhaling, then exhaling, then inhaling, then exhaling. That’s what social interaction feels like for many autistic people. It’s a constant mental barrage of questions and considerations:

Is my face showing the appropriate amount of emotion? What they said was exciting, so I need to look interested and happy—but not too happy, because then that’d be weird. I need to show an appropriate amount of excitement for the conversation at hand. Oh, they just mentioned they took a vacation to Spain. Should I mention that I’ve been to Spain? I don’t want to try to seem like I’m one-upping them, so maybe not, but I’m trying to connect with them and show that I’m listening, so maybe?

I just mentioned that I’ve been to Madrid as well, although I think I sounded too excited with my tone. People tend to misread my excitement for anger, so I need to correct that by following it up with something else that shows I’m not upset at all—or worse, trying to one-up them.

And (for me, anyway) it’s like this all the time whenever I’m interacting with anyone I don’t know well—and even some I do. It’s a similar amount of effort that would go into conscious breathing, only applied to social interactions. Can you see why many of us, especially those of us who are high-masking, find social interactions so draining and exhausting? It’s not easy for us.

Just as continuous conscious breathing would consume much of your mental bandwidth, so too does social interaction for many autistic individuals. This constant internal processing—monitoring facial expressions, analyzing tone, questioning word choices—represents an invisible and profound cognitive load that neurotypical individuals rarely experience to the same degree.

Finding the Space to Breathe Freely

Understanding autism isn't about assuming everyone's experience is identical, but rather recognizing that for many of us, social interactions require the same deliberate focus as consciously controlling each breath. It's exhausting, invisible work that goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

Next time you interact with an autistic person who seems tired after socializing or who needs extended alone time, remember the conscious breathing analogy. We're not being antisocial; we're simply catching our breath after the mental marathon of social interaction.

My hope in sharing this perspective is to foster greater empathy and understanding. By recognizing the effort behind our social interactions, perhaps we can create more accommodating spaces where autistic individuals don't always have to “consciously breathe” through every social encounter. All of us—neurotypical and neurodivergent alike—deserve moments where we can simply exist without the exhaustion of constant self-monitoring.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

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Share New Autistic

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I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

In the fields of mental health and self-help, there is always so much talk about compromise, how everyone has to compromise, and how important it is to compromise in order to make relationships work. At face value, I agree with these sentiments—that is, compromise is often necessary in order to make things work. No one person can always get their way all the time, or else that would be unfair.

What I’d like to address in this article, however, is how often compromises are turned into weapons to be used against us, especially by those who never had any intention of meeting you in the middle in the first place. Through education and knowledge, we can start to set our own healthy boundaries, especially when it comes to unhealthy dynamics.

A Middle School “Meeting in the Middle”

When I was in middle school, I had a friend I’ll refer to as Anthony. He and I had been friends for many years, were in the chess club together (and two of the best players), and had been in most of the same classes since we were much younger. By the time we were in 8th grade and getting ready to graduate to move onto high school, I considered him one of my better friends.

In our history class, we had a final project to do before we graduated—but it was a group project, which made me cringe. I always disliked group projects because I was typically the one who ended up doing the majority of the work for any group I was assigned to. However, to my surprise and delight, I was paired with Anthony for this project. He was smart and hard working, and I figured that, for once, I wouldn’t have to do the vast majority of the work alone.

Planning the Project

Anthony and I sat down and laid out the parts of the project: the introduction, parts 1-3, a conclusion, and then a presentation—y’know, basic middle school projects. I offered to take on part 3, the conclusion, and the presentation if Anthony would take on the introduction along with parts 1 and 2. He suggested that since putting together the presentation was the “easiest part,” I should do parts 2-3, the conclusion, and the presentation. I hesitated as that didn’t exactly seem fair to me, but I ultimately agreed in order to keep the peace and the friendship. It looked like I’d have to do a bit more work than half, but that was still better than doing all of it alone.

I worked diligently on my parts, but in order to put together the conclusion and presentation, I would need Anthony’s contributions as well. As the days and weeks ticked by and the due date approached, I asked him if he’d finished his parts yet. “No,” he told me, “And I don’t intend to. I know that even if I don’t do them, you’re going to do them anyway because you want a good grade.”

I stared at him, mouth agape, unsure what to say. “Y-You’re not going to do anything?” I stuttered, confused. “No,” he confirmed, and before we could talk more about it, he turned on his heel and walked away. I had already compromised in agreeing to do the majority of the project, and yet he still couldn’t up his end of the bargain. I was so upset!

But, to Anthony’s credit, he was right. I did end up doing the entire project by myself, and we both ended up getting an A on it. (This was before teachers began asking for group feedback about who had done what, and since I wasn’t a snitch, I kept my mouth shut.) After that day, however, I didn’t consider Anthony a friend anymore, and I never spoke to him again.

What’s the Lesson?

You might now be thinking that this is a vent post about some long-held grudge against an 8th grader. Let me first assure you that I am no longer upset with Anthony; in fact, with the benefit of hindsight, I’m guessing that he had a lot of issues going on at home that led him to burn a close friendship he’d had for years. Secondly, in the huge scope of things, me having to do a whole group project alone wasn’t the end of the world.

Where this lesson on compromises (or perhaps lack thereof) comes into play though is through our own adult relationships with friends, family, coworkers, and romantic partners. I’m sure you can think of at least a few times in your life where you’ve gone out of your way to make compromises with people, only to have them renege on them, or alter the terms of the agreement after the agreed-upon work has already been done.

The Chore Wars

We see this play out when it comes to domestic chores and the mental load all the time. One partner is the one keeping the trains running on time (the manager) and doesn’t want to have to constantly beg the other partner (the passenger) to contribute. When it’s brought up, the passenger shoots back, “I’d do the chores if you’d just tell me what to do!”

However, having to tell someone what basic household tasks to do constitutes work in and of itself. (There’s a reason managers earn a salary in businesses: it takes work to manage things.) Reluctantly, the manager agrees to start telling the passenger what chores need to be done, but soon enough, the passenger starts slacking again even with the verbal reminders.

Frustrated, the manager asks the passenger why the chores still aren’t getting done. “I’d do the chores if you’d just make me a list!” the passenger quips back. Reluctantly, the manager again agrees to do more work, creating and handing over a written list of chores for the passenger to do—which either get done poorly or don’t get done at all.

Frustrated and angry, the manager demands to know why the passenger still isn’t holding up their end of the bargain. “I didn’t know how to do half the chores on this list, so you need to teach me how to do them!” the passenger cries.

Do you see where I’m going with this? The manager has already compromised multiple times, agreeing to take on more and more of the mental load, and yet still the passenger refuses to contribute in any meaningful way. This situation can be and often is replicated in any number of relationships: romantic, platonic, or professional. Regardless of the relationship, it’s not a compromise if only one person is doing the compromising.

Finding Balance in True Compromises

As we've seen through both the middle school project scenario and the chore wars example, what masquerades as “compromise” can often be manipulation. True compromise requires all parties to give something up and meet somewhere in the middle—not one person continuously giving while the other takes and takes and takes.

Healthy relationships (romantic, familial, professional, or friendly) thrive on mutual respect and balanced give-and-take. When you notice yourself consistently being the one to bend, it may be time to have an honest conversation about expectations or, in some cases, to reevaluate the relationship entirely.

10 Reflection Questions: Is this a True Compromise?

Learning to recognize when you’re the only one making concessions is the first step toward establishing healthier boundaries for yourself. Here are 10 questions you can ask yourself if you’re unsure:

1. Is this truly a compromise, or am I the only one adjusting my expectations and behavior?

2. Am I being asked to compromise on the compromise itself (ie. is there always “just this one more thing” being added on)?

3. Are my accommodations being met with reciprocal effort, or am I being pushed to give more and more?

4. When I express concerns about the arrangement, are they genuinely addressed or summarily dismissed?

5. Is the other person willing to acknowledge and appreciate the concessions I make?

6. If our roles were reversed, would the other person be willing to make the same concessions I'm making?

7. Am I agreeing to this compromise out of fear, guilt, or obligation rather than genuine willingness?

8. Do I feel comfortable expressing what I need in this situation, or am I afraid of the consequences?

9. Am I consistently the one who gives in first, or is there a balanced pattern of give-and-take?

10. Would I advise a friend to accept the same arrangement I'm considering?

The Uncompromising Truth About Compromise

Remember that setting boundaries isn't selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is refuse to participate in a one-sided “compromise” that only serves to deplete your energy and goodwill. Real compromise should leave both parties feeling respected, heard, and valued rather than resentful or taken advantage of.

By understanding the difference between true compromise and manipulation, we can build stronger, more equitable relationships based on mutual respect rather than exploitation. After all, meeting in the middle only works when both people are genuinely walking toward each other.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Assuming you’re reading this, you’re probably no stranger to the idea of kintsugi—the Japanese art of repairing broken ceramics with gold, making them more beautiful in the process—and how so many articles on mental health or self-help use it as an illustration to show that what was once broken can be mended.

Do not misunderstand me; the underlying message in such articles is helpful, especially for those who have struggled with trauma, loss, and/or hardship throughout their lives. There is something undeniably beautiful about kintsugi ceramics, and I agree that the gold and lacquer repairs often enhance the original piece.

Along a similar vein, those who have gone through significant struggles are often enhanced by them, growing into more understanding, empathetic, and resilient people. The parallels are unmistakable, and the metaphor of kintsugi brings many traumatized people solace and tranquility.

I am not here to discredit those people or ideas. Instead, I wish to offer another, perhaps unconsidered look, especially when it comes to those who are in ongoing difficult or toxic relationships.

Another Perspective: A Troubled Relationship

Imagine yourself in a relationship with someone you care deeply about—in this case, a close friend named Mary. You two grew up together, shared many wonderful memories and experiences, and have supported one another through many tough situations. You can’t imagine your life without her!

However, Mary starts becoming more and more unreliable as time goes on. While you’re always there to listen and support her, she never seems to have the time for you. In fact, she’s started flaking on meetups without communicating beforehand, leaving you sitting alone at restaurants and wasting time waiting on her.

An Attempt to Mend

Like any mature person, you reach out to Mary and ask if something is wrong, or if something has changed. Perhaps you’ve done or said something that upset her? At first, she claims that nothing is wrong and that nothing has changed, but after pressing her a bit more, she finally admits that she has had other, more pressing priorities in her life and has been neglecting you and taking your friendship for granted.

Saddened and hurt by this admission from Mary, you express to her your feelings, pouring your heart out and struggling to hold back tears. Ostensibly realizing the profound impact her actions have had on you, she immediately apologizes and promises to change her behavior to prove that you do indeed matter to her.

And, to her credit, she does! Mary again makes time for you, reaches out to you, offers support, and even plans a weekend getaway for the two of you where you have a wonderful time talking and reminiscing about the “good ol’ days” when you were younger. By the end of the weekend, your friendship is stronger than ever, despite the cracks that had formed by some months of neglect. You might even say the relationship was repaired with gold.

Relapse and Repeat

However, not so long after your fun-filled weekend, Mary again starts putting you on the back burner. You try to reach out to her when your beloved pet dies, but she doesn’t respond for some time. You soon become worried, thinking that something might’ve happened to her, but when you reach out and express your concern, she snaps back at you, texting you back quickly and tersely, telling you that you “aren’t always her top priority.”

As you look down at your phone, confused, you aren’t sure what to think. Why is she acting like this again? Not so long ago, you had your heart-to-heart talk, and she is once again being neglectful and dismissive. What is going on? You don’t respond, mostly because you aren’t sure how to.

More Empty Apologies

A day later, Mary reaches back out to you, profusely apologizing for her outburst, saying that she “knows it hurt you” and that she “didn’t mean it.” You see, she’s just been so overwhelmed with work and her new boyfriend that she forgot to check in on you, but she “really meant to.” She wants to “make it up to you” by treating you to a spa weekend! Because you miss your best friend’s connection and closeness, you agree, and by the end of the weekend, you’re thick as thieves again! All is well, and you feel closer than ever! The relationship is once more repaired with gold.

And again, things go well for a while… until they don’t. Once again, Mary stops responding and then proceeds to lash out at you when you reach out to repair the connection you once had—before, of course, profusely apologizing and swearing it won’t happen again.

Reflections

Do you believe Mary? How many times would you forgive her before finally cutting her off? I think most of us reading this would agree that after the second or third time, we’d probably move on from the relationship.

Pulling this anecdote back to the topic of this article, imagine you have a ceramic vase that’s been broken and repaired in the kintsugi fashion. Being broken once or twice is probably fixable, but what about more than that? Imagine someone keeps smashing your vase again and again and again. At what point is it irreparable?

And yet, so many of us reading this have been in similar situations with friends, family, and even romantic partners. We admit that Mary’s behavior is toxic, and yet we’re unwilling to admit when our loved one’s behavior is. We are willing to acknowledge that a broken vase can only be repaired a finite number of times, and yet we keep handing it back to the person who has smashed it.

Knowing When to Give Up the Gold

Perhaps what we need isn't another metaphor about being broken and beautifully repaired, but rather the wisdom and discernment to recognize when a relationship has been shattered beyond restoration. The value of kintsugi lies not just in the golden repairs, but also in the extreme care taken to preserve something truly worth saving.

There comes a point when continuing to repair what keeps breaking becomes not resilience, but self-harm. Thus, the most profound act of self-care might not be in gathering the gold to mend again, but in acknowledging that some breaks are final—and that's okay. In these moments, our growth comes not from making something beautiful from brokenness, but from having the courage to let go and create something new.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey—it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Warning: This blog post contains mention of suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt. If you’re struggling yourself, please reach out to the 988 Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

I think just about everyone’s familiar with the classic fairytale where a damsel in distress is saved by a knight in shining armor. Someone (typically a woman) needs to be saved from some antagonist (perhaps a dragon or evil duke), and a knight in shining armor (typically a man) comes along to slay the enemy and save the girl. They get married at the end, and everyone lives happily ever after.

It’s a nice story, but that’s all it is: a story.

Of course, when you’re a child, you don’t really know any better and you think that such things really do happen. The bad guys get what’s coming to them, the good guy gets the girl, and everyone lives in peace forevermore.

And then you grow up and realize that real life isn’t a story. There are no fairytale endings. In fact, far more often than most of us would like, the bad guys end up getting away with their misdeeds, the good guy doesn’t turn out to be so good after all, and many people end up in horrible situations through no fault of their own. On top of that, you come to understand that there isn’t a knight in shining armor coming to save you—no matter how nice that might be.

Life’s Not a Fairytale

For a while, I held onto this perhaps childish belief that, one day, someone or something would come along and save me. There were certainly many people in my life who provided some guidance or conditional support in bursts like parents, teachers, coaches, and friends. However, I still felt like I lacked genuine connection in many regards, and that no one really understood what I was going through.

Many nights when I finally managed to fall into fitful sleep, my last thought would be, “It’d be nice if I didn’t wake up tomorrow.” The thought of not existing, too, has been pervasive even since childhood. I often wished that I was never born, or that I would suddenly cease to exist. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, but rather that I didn’t want to live anymore. I now know that is called passive suicidal ideation, though I didn’t know that at the time. Unfortunately, suicidal ideation—both active and passive—is a common experience among many autistic people.

Since I couldn’t just will myself to cease to exist, I instead dreamed of some vague knight in shining armor to come and rescue me, save me from my painful existence, and to live happily ever after.

But no knight ever came, and life’s not a fairytale.

Numbing the Pain

To numb the pain of existing, I drank. I drank a lot. I drank more than most would deem humanly possible. Everything suffered: my health, my studies, my career, my relationships. But, it didn’t matter, as is the nature of addiction—that is, continuing to engage with the problematic behavior even when it’s having negative consequences in your life.

I later learned that autistic people are at a higher risk for addiction to all sorts of things, including drugs, alcohol, and problematic behaviors. Go figure.

I admit that undiagnosed autism wasn’t the only reason that I drank, but it certainly was a contributing factor. Speaking from personal experience, I drank because I felt like I was a bad person, and I felt like I was a bad person because I drank. It’s a vicious shame-based cycle that continues to perpetuate over and over again… until something stops it.

I spent years trying and failing to quit, or quitting for a little while before going back to the bottle. I tried and failed again and again and again and again. What I really needed was a knight in shining armor to rescue me!

But no knight ever came, and life’s not a fairytale.

Rebirth

It took a suicide attempt for me to finally stop drinking.

I survived (obviously), but little did I know that quitting would only be the beginning. Giving up drinking meant that I had to confront all of my trauma head-on without anything to numb the pain. I had to fight off my demons largely alone, enduring the excruciating pain of existence, stumbling forward an inch at a time even when I felt like I couldn’t go on any longer. Literal blood, sweat, and tears forged the road on which I crawled.

All of my perseverance eventually paid off. I am thankfully in a much healthier place now due to a mountain of personal growth along with many different types of therapies.

One thing that always stuck with me, however, was how I’d spent so much time wishing that someone would come and save me—all those nights dreaming about a proverbial knight in shining armor, hoping that I’d be rescued and saved, and how he had never come.

Now, I’ve come to understand the truth: the knight is me.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

I Dream of Italy

Imagine that you’ve always wanted to go to Italy ever since you were a child. You did a school project on Rome and the Colosseum, on gladiator fights and crossing the Rubicon, and ever since then, you’ve always dreamed of visiting Italy one day. You want to see it all: from the Vatican to the vineyards.

Then, as an adult, you’re given the opportunity to do so. You spend months, if not years preparing yourself for the trip, learning a bit of Italian to get yourself around, reading up on all the best sights to see, planning out your path around the Italian peninsula to make sure you hit all those landmarks and towns, exchanging your US dollars for euros, planning your flights, hotels, and rental cars… Suffice it to say, you are as prepared as anyone can be!

You board the plane, get settled, and fall asleep on your way there. You dream of all of the sights you’ll see in the coming weeks. A bumpy landing wakes you, and as you open your eyes and remember that your plane has just landed, your excitement peaks. Yes, you’ve finally made it! All those dreams and plans you’ve made over the years and decades have finally come to fruition! All that hard work has finally paid off! You’ve finally arrived!

Over the intercom, the muffled and distorted voice of the captain says, “Welcome to Holland!”

“Welcome to Holland!”

You blink, confused. Holland? Wasn’t this a flight to Italy? You check your ticket, and it reads “Italy.” What’s the captain talking about? Perhaps you misheard the announcement.

You get the attention of one of the flight attendants who informs you that you are indeed in Holland and there is no mistake, nor is this a joke. “You’re in Holland, and you’re staying in Holland,” you’re told over and over again. No amount of arguing or trying to fix the situation gets you anywhere, and after going at it for a while, you get frustrated with the flight attendant and deboard the plane. Someone else has to have more information.

In the airport, you try asking and reasoning with other workers, but they all tell you the same thing: “You’re in Holland, and you’re staying in Holland.” Many try to reassure you that there are plenty of great things to do in Holland, and that there are plenty of interesting people living in Holland.

But… What About Italy?

After hours and days of arguing and crying and reasoning, you finally give in, accepting your fate. You’re in Holland, and in Holland you’ll stay. You acknowledge that, yes, there are plenty of amazing things about Holland, and it’s not like you were averse to visiting at some point; you just were really excited about finally seeing Italy, and all of your plans and preparations were for Italy.

You spent months learning some Italian. You don’t know any Dutch.

You printed out maps and guides of Rome. You have no maps or guides for Amsterdam.

You wanted to see the Colosseum — not the Van Gogh Museum.

You’re woefully ill-prepared for a destination that wasn’t even on your radar. Through no fault of your own, you’re thrown into this new and foreign chaotic situation, struggling to figure out what is going on and how to adapt and survive.

While you recognize that there is plenty of beauty in Holland — Dutch is a complex and intriguing language, Amsterdam is a beautiful city, and the Van Gogh Museum is world-renowned — it’s just… not Italy.

It’s not what you planned for. It’s not what you wanted.

The Grief for What Might’ve Been

In the same way that someone who always wanted to visit Italy and ended up in Holland might be disappointed, many late-diagnosed autistic people feel the same way. We were told throughout our lives by our families (hopefully), society, movies, books, and shows: “You can do anything you set your mind to!”

But for those people who have physical or intellectual disabilities or disorders, that simply isn’t true. In the contemporary era, someone with an IQ of 50 is not going to be an astrophysicist. Someone with no legs is not going to play in the NBA.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to be in Holland.

It’s also okay to grieve for all of the work, plans, and preparations you put into going to Italy. It’s okay to grieve the loss of what might’ve been if you hadn’t landed in Holland — or if you didn’t have autism.

Just remember that Holland has a lot to offer as well.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

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I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Did you know that the official autism diagnosis got an overhaul in 2013? Did you also know that autism now is more fully explained by varying degrees (referred to as levels) of support needs? Don't worry if you weren't aware because it seems that most people have no idea that the diagnosis changed. In this article, I'll explain what the different levels mean, how they're determined, and what each level might look like.

This article is not a replacement for medical care, diagnosis, or therapy. It is a layman's guide meant to support and encourage understanding for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) both among neurodivergent (people on the spectrum) and neurotypical (people not on the spectrum) readers. I encourage everyone to do their own research and come to their own conclusions.

Huh? Autism Comes in Levels Now?

Yes. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is now structured into three levels based on the amount of support an autistic individual might need. The levels are classed as Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3. Furthermore, a level is given to two items: social communication and restricted, repetitive behaviors. For example, someone might be Level 1 when it comes to social communication but be a Level 2 for restricted, repetitive behaviors.

Many people aren't aware that the diagnosis of autism and how it is characterized got a near-complete overhaul in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition, published in 2013 and commonly referred to as the DSM-V. The DSM is "the taxonomic and diagnostic tool published by the American Psychiatric Association." Think of it as the Bible of American psychology and psychiatry. Note that other nations may use other criteria, so please understand that I am speaking from a United States-based perspective.

Other Disorders Now Under the ASD Diagnosis

In addition to outlining levels of autism, other disorders and conditions that were once considered separate from autism that now fall under the umbrella of ASD. These other disorders and conditions include:

• Autistic Disorder

• Asperger's Syndrome/Asperger's Disorder

• Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS)

• Childhood Disintegrative Disorder

• Rett's Disorder

All of the aforementioned disorders now fall under the umbrella term of ASD which is part of the reason that rates of autism diagnosis are going up: there are more disorders that fall under the label. (If you want to learn more about why rates of autism diagnoses are on the rise, read my article "Why is Everyone Autistic Now?")

A Few Misconceptions

Before going into the levels, I think it's also important to briefly discuss some other criteria from the DSM-V regarding an autism diagnosis that people often get wrong. (To see some other common misconceptions, check out my article Misconceptions About Autism.)

1. Intellectual Impairment Not Necessary: Having an intellectual impairment is not a prerequisite to obtaining an autism diagnosis. Autistic people run the gamut from literal geniuses to those with "profound autism" — that is, having an intelligence quotient (IQ) of less than 50.

2. Language Impairment Not Necessary: Many, if not most autistic people can speak and communicate similarly to neurotypical people. The idea that all autistic people are non-verbal is outdated and incorrect.

Also, please note that the quoted language and diagnostic criteria listed below come from the DSM-V.

Level 1: "Requiring Support"

Level 1 autism is defined as the autistic person "requiring support." It's the least severe form of autism which is why many Level 1 autistics end up misdiagnosed or undiagnosed, even well into adulthood. Many are able to mask or camouflage enough that they seem neurotypical, even to close friends and family.

Issues with social communication in Level 1 autism might include having trouble initiating social interactions or decreased interest in social interactions.

Issues with restricted, repetitive behavior in Level 1 autism might include difficulty switching between activities and experiencing executive functioning troubles, like having trouble with organization or planning.

Level 1 ASD is sometimes compared to what was known as Asperger's Syndrome in that someone can be intelligent but still have a number of social difficulties as well as what are perceived as strange routines and behaviors.

Level 2: "Requiring Substantial Support"

Level 2 autism is defined as the autistic person "requiring substantial support" and has more severe impacts than Level 1 autism.

Issues with social communication in Level 2 autism might include marked deficits in social communication skills (verbal or nonverbal), limited initiation of social interactions, and strange or different responses to suggestions by others. Level 2 autistics might only interact with others in social settings if the topic is about one of the autistic person's special interests, and they might speak in a way that others find strange.

Issues with restricted, repetitive behavior in Level 2 autism might include an inflexibility in behavior, having a hard time with change, or having certain repetitive behaviors that interfere with daily functioning in different ways. Other people tend to notice the Level 2 autistic's restricted and repetitive behaviors.

Despite the problematic social interactions and repetitive behaviors, some Level 2 autistics also go undiagnosed into adulthood.

Level 3: "Requiring Very Substantial Support"

Level 3 autism is defined as the autistic person "requiring very substantial support" and is the most developmentally severe form of autism. Many Level 3 autistics are what others refer to as those with "profound autism," as discussed earlier in this article. Imagine someone who struggles to communicate either verbally or nonverbally, doesn't like or accept any change about any of their routines at all, and is potentially incapable of caring for themselves.

Issues with social communication in Level 3 autism include severe deficits in verbal and nonverbal communication (sometimes to the point that someone is nonverbal), extremely limited social interactions, and minimal response to social approaches.

Issues with restricted, repetitive behaviors in Level 3 autism include an inflexibility in behavior (wanting to do the exact same thing the exact same way every single day), extreme difficulty coping with change (having a shutdown or meltdown when something is different than they're used to), and routines that disrupt functioning.

Almost all, if not all those with Level 3 autism are unable to care for themselves and will require caretakers and support throughout their lives.

All Levels Require Support

The criteria for an ASD diagnosis is, by definition, someone who requires support, substantial support, or very substantial support. This means that every single autistic person requires some level of support in their lives. The idea that we autistics, especially those of us who present as "high-functioning" or "having low support needs," don't actually need help and are just lazy or have poor work ethics is fundamentally untrue. Many autistic people take issue with such terminology because it doesn't take into account the unseen daily struggles we face.

Autistic creator and YouTuber Mom on the Spectrum offered up a compelling analogy. Imagine a duck cruising along on a placid pond. The duck makes it look easy, seemingly riding the gentle breeze from one bank to the other. But beneath the surface, the duck's webbed feet are furiously working overtime to move through the water. That movement takes effort, even if you can't see it above the surface. And while some ducks are indeed able to seem to ride the breeze effortlessly, for others, the struggle is obvious.

"But you don't look like you're struggling!" someone might snap back in the comments. "No one even picked up that you were autistic until much later in your life, so you couldn't have struggled that much!"

For many late-diagnosed autistics, we've had to become masters of camouflaging and masking — that is, appearing to be normal. It's the only way we were able to survive. Some of us are able to do it well, and some of us can't, but all of us struggle. It's time we as a society stopped ignoring that inconvenient fact.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

What are some of the potential signs that you or a loved one might be autistic? This article will act as a compilation of signs and symptoms that may be related to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), along with the sources that back up those claims.

Disclaimer: Please be aware that this list is not to be used as a means of diagnosis. Only a qualified healthcare professional can diagnose you, and this list is for informational purposes only. As I've said before, I am not a medical professional. Do your own research and come to your own conclusions, and if you suspect that you might be on the spectrum, consider reaching out to a mental health provider or your primary care doctor.

Explanation & Elucidation

Before I get to the list (which I intend to update regularly as new information comes to light), I want to remind you that if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. All of us are different, just like how all neurotypical people are different. That being said, there are a number of commonalities that can be found in people with autism, some of which are also found in the general population.

If you have a handful of symptoms on this list, congratulations! That means you're human! Almost all of us have some traits of many different medical diagnoses. You might have some traits of social anxiety, or some traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or some traits of bipolar disorder. Let me elucidate further:

• Are you sometimes hesitant to speak with others in social situations? That's a trait of social anxiety, but that doesn't mean you have social anxiety.

• Do you ever have intrusive thoughts, like jumping off a cliff or driving headlong into oncoming traffic? That's a trait of OCD, but that doesn't mean you have OCD.

• Do you ever have increased energy or activity levels? That's a trait of bipolar disorder, but that doesn't mean you have bipolar disorder.

Having a few traits or signs of a specific disorder doesn't mean that you therefore have that disorder. Autistic traits are human traits, and I can guarantee that everyone reading this — neurotypical people (those not on the spectrum) included — is going to identify with at least some of these traits, signs, and symptoms of autism.

Identifying with a handful of these traits does not mean you're autistic. However, if you find yourself identifying with more than 75 percent of them (especially those in the "Core Signs" and "Potential Signs" lists), you might want to consider doing more research into autism and speaking with a healthcare professional. Again, as a friendly reminder, this list is not meant for diagnostic purposes.

Core Signs, Symptoms, and Traits of Autism

These two points (repetitive behaviors and interests and difficulties with social communication) are considered core traits of autism.

Repetitive Behaviors and Interests

Autistic people crave structure, routine, and sameness. It's a way that they can manage stress because they won't be surprised if they're always doing the same thing. This might mean always taking the same route to and from work, always exercising at the same time of day, or perhaps eating the same thing every day. When their routines are disrupted, they may end up extremely emotionally dysregulated which can result in meltdowns or shutdowns.

Furthermore, while everyone has their own preferences and likes, autistic people take it to the next level. They have intense special interests that they tend to be very knowledgeable about, perhaps bordering on obsessive to other people (case in point: this website). Even the stereotype of autism is a boy who is obsessed with trains or technology. Autistic women also have special interests, but because they tend to be more socially acceptable topics (animals, art, literature, music, or celebrities), they often fly under the radar.

Difficulties with Social Communication

Autistic people have trouble communicating both verbally and nonverbally. They may not pick up on subtle cues, and they may have abnormal body language and avoid eye contact. They also may struggle to interpret facial expressions, gestures, tone, and body language. This can impede communication with others and make life much more difficult for autistic people.

Potential Signs, Symptoms, and Traits of Autism

This list includes some of the potential signs, symptoms, and traits that are also commonly found in autistic people.

Alexithymia

About half of people with autism also have alexithymia, which means that they have trouble identifying and expressing their own emotions, as well as recognizing emotions in others. Some other signs of alexithymia include:

• a limited ability to express their feelings to others

• difficulty recognizing and responding to the emotions of others

• the person might appear distant, unempathetic, or cold

Men in general are also more likely to have alexithymia than women: "Men were alexithymic almost twice (17%) as often as women (10%)."

Echolalia

About 75 percent of autistic people have echolalia—a repetitive or imitative speech pattern. Echolalia is common in children, as evidenced when they repeat words and phrases that they hear. They might repeat a line from their favorite TV show or mimic the tone and voice used when they're told something and repeat it back to their caretaker. It's believed to be a learning tool as they are practicing how to speak.

However, people with autism often continue these behaviors well past childhood. They might repeat phrases they've heard or mimic sounds they hear, like the beep on the microwave or the rumble of a motorcycle driving by outside. It's thought to be used as a means of communication or as a form of stress relief or self-regulation.

Emotional Dysregulation

People with autism tend to have more emotional dysregulation than neurotypical people -- that is, it's harder for them to regulate their emotions. They may seem to get flustered at insignificant things, or end up angry, upset, or frustrated if their routines are interrupted.

Executive Functioning Issues

Up to 80 percent of people with autism have trouble with executive function. This might include issues with time management, organization, working memory, and inhibitory or impulse control. This can make even simple tasks like brushing your teeth, planning a trip, or cleaning the house very difficult. (I touched on this a little bit in my blog post Life on Heroic: Living with Undiagnosed Neurodivergency.)

Hypersensitivities

Autistic people tend to have hypersensitivies (stronger sensitivities) to touch, lights, sounds, smells, tastes, temperatures, and/or textures than other people do. Understand that this sensitivity isn't just a dislike of something. For example, you might not like olives, but you probably aren't going to start dry heaving and puking if you accidentally eat one. People with autism can have extreme reactions to stimuli, up to and including seizures in cases of epilepsy (as epilepsy disproportionately affects autistic people compared to the general population).

Hyposensitivities

Along the same vein, autistics can also have hyposensitivities, meaning a lack of reaction to certain stimuli. Someone with hyposensitivity might have a lack of reaction to pain, not notice when they're hungry or full, or prefer deep-tissue massages to softer ones. Autistics with auditory hyposensitivity might not respond to their name being called or they may need verbal instructions to be repeated several times.

Scripting

Many people with autism use scripting to help them navigate social situations. They may preplan conversations in their head, or have a list of questions or statements to use in certain situations. For example, an autistic person might rehearse either aloud or in their head what they plan to say during an upcoming phone call or work meeting. This can help to reduce stress because autistic people already have trouble with social communication and by planning out what they're going to say in advance, they can ease some of that stress.

Stimming

Stimming is a form of self-regulatory behavior that autistic people engage in. It's often done repetitively and impulsively. Some examples of stims include (but are not limited to) cracking knuckles, plucking hair, picking at skin, twirling hair, flicking fingers, pacing back and forth, humming, flapping hands, spinning or tapping objects, jumping, listening to the same song on repeat, or rocking back and forth. Echolalia, which was discussed earlier, can also be a form of stimming.

Trouble with Eye Contact

As touched on briefly before, autistic people have trouble making and maintaining eye contact. This can be especially problematic in societies like the United States where eye contact is seen as a sign of respect. A 2022 study found that regions of the brain are less active during eye contact in autistic people compared to neurotypical people -- a finding that may contribute the reason to autistic people find making eye contact stressful.

Trouble Forming Relationships

Due in large part to autistics' trouble with social communication and knowing their own emotions, many autistic people have trouble forming relationships, both socially and romantically. That doesn't mean that they don't want relationships -- only that it's more difficult for autistic people to form and maintain them. There is also some evidence that people with autism prefer other neurodivergent people as friends and romantic partners.

Uneven Language Development

Some autistic people have delayed or uneven language development, perhaps not speaking at all for years as children (often referred to as being nonverbal). Some also may be able to speak and read, but not necessarily comprehend what they just read.

Lesser-Known Potential Signs, Symptoms, and Traits of Autism

These are some of the lesser-known potential signs, symptoms, and traits of autism.

Addiction Issues

People with autism are twice as likely to abuse substances compared to control groups, especially those with Level 1 ASD. Many autistic people use drugs and alcohol to try to fit into social situations and manage stress levels. (I discussed some of my own addiction struggles in my blog post A Knight in Shining Armor.)

Bullying

Were you bullied as a child? One study showed a high percentage of bullying against autistic children: 75 percent of autistic children were left out of activities by other children, 37 percent were teased, and 13 percent were physically bullied.

Colic

Did you have colic as an infant? There are some studies that suggest there may be a link between excessive crying and autism: "Persistent crying in infants (i.e. excessive crying with late onset and long duration) may be an early symptom of ASD."

Dyspraxia (Clumsiness)

Dyspraxia is a neurological condition that affects a person’s ability to plan and carry out coordinated movements. People with dyspraxia may have trouble with tasks that require fine motor skills (like writing, buttoning a shirt, or using utensils) or gross motor skills (like running, jumping, or riding a bike). There isn’t a cure for dyspraxia, but occupational therapy and practice can help people overcome it.

Studies show that dyspraxia is more commonly found in those with autism than control groups, although many of the studies had smaller sample sizes:

• “Whereas both children with ADHD and children with ASD show impairments in basic motor control, impairments in performance and recognition of skilled motor gestures, consistent with dyspraxia, appear to be specific to autism” (MacNeil & Mostofsky, 2012).

• “The ASD group continued to show significantly poorer praxis than controls after accounting for basic motor skill. Furthermore, praxis performance was a strong predictor of the defining features of autism, measured using the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule, and this correlation remained significant after accounting for basic motor skill” (Dzuik et al., 2007).

• “Although our sample size was somewhat small for examining correlations between measures, strong correlations were observed in the ASD group on measures of visual-motor integration and motor coordination with praxis” (Miller et al., 2014).

Eating Disorders

Many autistic people struggle with eating disorders, both eating too little (anorexia) and eating too much (binge eating), as well as avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). One study found that atypical eating behaviors affected 70.4 percent of children with autism, which is quite a jarring statistic compared to the 4.8 percent of neurotypical children who have eating disorders. Autistic females are also more likely to experience eating disorders. It's speculated that because autistic people have trouble with interoception (the process of perceiving senses inside the body like thirst, hunger, fullness, and pain), it's harder for them to eat intuitively.

Feeling Disliked By Others

Many autistic people complain that they feel that others judge them harshly or unfairly throughout their lives. "I feel like an alien" is a common refrain amongst autistics... and it's not just a feeling, either. There is mounting evidence that neurotypical people treat autistic people worse than non-autistics:

• A study conducted in 2021 showed that neurotypical people react less favorably toward autistic people, even if they don't know the person is autistic: "Nonautistic people were more likely to say they disliked the person in the video if they were autistic, even though they did not know the diagnosis” (Alkhaldi et al., 2021).

• A 2016 study in Nature found that neurotypical people are less willing to interact with those with autism: "We find that first impressions of individuals with ASD... are not only far less favorable across a range of trait judgments compared to controls, but also are associated with reduced intentions to pursue social interaction” (Sasson et al., 2016).

• A 2021 study suggested that autistic people are viewed as deceptive and lacking credibility, even when telling the truth: "Autistic individuals [are] perceived as more deceptive and less credible than neurotypical individuals when telling the truth" (Lim et al., 2021). However, this may be because of an autistic person's overall presentation, as the authors stated.

That being said, autistic people tend to have higher levels of rapport with other autistic or neurodivergent people. So, if you've got a bunch of autistic friends, you might want to do some more research and introspection.

Flat Affect

People with autism may have a flat affect and a monotone voice. This means that they may not react in ways that neurotypical people might expect, and the autistic person may be incorrectly viewed as apathetic, uncaring, or unkind. Also note that many autistic people often mask their flat affect and work hard to seem neurotypical.

Hyperlexia

About 6 to 14 percent of autistic people are hyperlexic, meaning they might have a wide vocabulary, prefer books and magnetic letters to other types of toys as children, and may have a knack for remembering dates and numbers.

Joint Hypermobility

Up to 80 percent of autistic people have overly flexible joints and muscles which can lead to chronic pain and injuries. Another study suggested that 51 percent of neurodivergent people have hypermobility. It's not clear why this is and more research needs to be done on the topic.

Left-Handedness

Did you know that people with autism have a higher rate of being left-handed as compared to the general population? According to HealthCentral: "People with ASD tend to have reduced leftward language lateralization, which could be why they also have a higher rate of being left-handed compared to the general population."

Literalism

Many autistic people fail to understand colloquialisms and/or take things literally. For example, when I say, "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," do you imagine a bird in your hand and two in the bush? Or, like most people, do you innately understand that it means to value what you have?

Sleep Issues

Many autistic people struggle with issues related to insomnia, including waking up early, an inability to fall and stay asleep, and daytime drowsiness due to poor sleep patterns. Additionally, some autistic people experience sleep-related movement disorders and may end up either kicking in their sleep or engaging in other repetitive movements of the limbs, torso, or head. It's thought that these movements might resemble stimming behaviors.

Self-Medication

Autistics are more than three times more likely to use substances to manage their mental health symptoms, including anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation.

Toe Walking

Many children walk on their toes, usually to about age three, but autistic children may continue to walk on their toes well past that age. One study found that 8.4 percent of autistic children had a diagnosis of persistent toe walking. Some speculate that toe walking may be the result of having tight heel cords or may be caused by a dysregulated vestibular or sensory system.

Victimization

Unfortunately, autistic people are more likely to be victimized and abused in a number of ways: "Participants with [autism] reported experiencing, as children, more overall victimization; specifically, more property crime, maltreatment, teasing/emotional bullying, and sexual assault by peers, compared to participants without [autism]."

Final Thoughts

I want to remind everyone that, even if you are autistic, you probably aren't going to have every sign, trait, or symptom on this list. Every autistic person is different. You can also have what are known as sub-clinical autistic traits—that is, you may have a number of autistic traits but you don't have enough (or they don't impact your life enough) to qualify for an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis.

If you think you or a loved one might have ASD, please see a qualified mental health professional.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

It is impossible for autistic people to make eye contact? Can people with autism understand sarcasm? There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about autism out there, many of which I will discuss in this article. I'd also like to remind everyone that when you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. Every autistic person is different, and this site is based off of my research, observations, and opinions. As always, I encourage everyone to do their own research and come to their own conclusions.

Terms to Know

In order to fully understand this article, having a basic knowledge of some common terms is helpful.

• DSM-V: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, which is the taxonomic and diagnostic manual published by the American Psychiatric Association.

• Neurotypicals: People who are not on the spectrum (those who do not have autism, ADHD, and/or another disorder).

• Neurodivergents: People who are on the spectrum (those who have autism, ADHD, and/or another disorder).

Now, let’s take a look at some common misconceptions…

Misconception: Autistic people can't make eye contact.

Although not being able to make eye contact is a common (and often well-deserved) stereotype of autism, many autistic people are able to do it well. Through masking and camouflaging, many of us are able to seem pretty neurotypical, although it can make us feel uncomfortable to do so. Additionally, for many of us, we actually listen better and are able to pay more attention when we aren't looking at someone in the eyes, which is part of the reason many of us look away. It's not to be rude; it's actually to try to listen to you better!

Misconception: You have to be intellectually disabled to have autism.

The DSM-V's diagnostic criteria for autism does not include intellectual disability for a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD). This is probably a misconception because intellectual disability is common comorbidity when it comes to ASD, although it is not necessary for a diagnosis. Additionally, those with obvious intellectual disabilities are probably more likely to be taken in for an autism assessment and diagnosis compared to those autistic people without intellectual disabilities, so it's sort of a self-perpetuating stereotype in that way.

Misconception: There is an autism epidemic and it's spreading.

I discuss this topic in far more detail in my article Why is Everyone Autistic Now, but the truth of the matter is that there isn't a lot of evidence that suggests rates of autism itself are on the rise. It seems more likely that people who previously went undiagnosed are now getting diagnosed, so the rates of people diagnosed with autism are indeed going up. That doesn't necessarily mean that more people are autistic -- only that more people are getting diagnosed now that they know the signs and symptoms to look for, especially since both the diagnostic criteria and ASD itself were overhauled in 2013.

That being said, it's also possible that rates of autism itself are going up (if more neurodivergent people are producing neurodivergent offspring), but certainly not at the exponential rates that the autism diagnoses are going up... unless there's some super-autism breeding facility somewhere. Someone in the know needs to fill me in!

Misconception: Autistic people don't have empathy.

Another common misconception is that autistic people don't have empathy. While it's true that some autistics seem almost devoid of empathy, there are plenty of us who are extremely empathic: "Some autistic individuals show typical cognitive empathy and some even report an excess of emotional empathy." It really depends on the person!

I will also say that I believe this stereotype is so prominent because a lot of autistic people also have alexithymia, a condition in which people have trouble identifying, describing, and expressing feelings in both themselves and others. Those with alexithymia may seem to have less empathy because they have a hard time processing their own emotions, thereby perpetuating the stereotype that autistic people are unempathetic.

Misconception: Autistic people don't have a sense of humor and can't understand sarcasm.

Ah, I see you haven't perused this website enough if you still believe this particular misconception. I think it largely stems from a time before the DSM-V came out and it was believed that autistic people were too stupid to understand any subtleties, but don't worry, because I'm here to let you know that autistic people absolutely can have senses of humor as well as a good understanding of sarcasm and facetiousness.

While it's true that we may have a harder time picking up on certain subtle social cues, that doesn't mean that we can't understand them when we are aware of them. There are even plenty of autistic stand-up comedians like Dan LaMorte, AJ Wilkerson, Joe Wells, and Fern Brady, so this misconception is quite outdated.

Misconception: Autistic people can't talk.

While there can be some overlap between autism and selective mutism or even mutism in general, it would be a real stretch to suggest that all autistic people are either bad at talking, don't like to talk, or can't talk. Of course, there are autistic people who can't or won't talk often, but most of us are able to talk, especially about our special interests. (This website is a perfect case in point.) In fact, I'd wager that some people wish we'd shut up once in a while.

Misconception: Vaccines cause autism.

I've intentionally not delved into this topic too much because of the explosive political rhetoric surrounding it, but I will state here that there is currently no viable evidence that points to the idea that vaccines cause autism. I may do a more in-depth article about this whole debacle at some point, though I will give a brief overview of it below.

The one study that purportedly found a "link" between the measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism has been not only debunked but also retracted. Its primary author, Andrew Wakefield, failed to disclose a conflict of interest for the study's funding: "Wakefield had been funded by lawyers who had been engaged by parents in lawsuits against vaccine-producing companies." How convenient!

On top of that, data from Wakefield's study was also found not only to be inaccurate but also falsified and fraudulent. Some have even described Wakefield's study as "one of the most serious frauds in medical history."

But, if you're still not convinced, it's probably worth looking at the more nitty gritty of Wakefield's original study. He and his co-authors (of which all but two subsequently retracted their support of) used a group of 12 children to test their theory that the MMR vaccine might cause autism and purportedly found a link between the two. Again, this study was funded by lawyers looking to pursue lawsuits.

To confirm or deny his findings, subsequent studies have been conducted (as is the norm in the scientific community), including one in 2015 that studied over 95,000 children and how the MMR vaccine might impact rates of autism. The results of that study showed that "the MMR vaccine was not associated with increased risk of [autism spectrum disorder]." Another study examining over 1,000 children also found that exposure to vaccine antibodies do not increase risk for the development of autism.

Now, I'm not a mathematician by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd be more willing to accept the findings of a study that examined 95,000 subjects (or even 1,000 subjects) than one that only studied 12. Maybe that's just my logical autistic brain talking, though.

Misconception: Parenting styles cause autism.

This misconception stems from Bruno Bettelheim, author of the 1967 book The Empty Fortress: Infantile Autism and the Birth of the Self. Bettelheim's book suggested that the way in which people, mothers especially, parented their children resulted in the development of autism — a theory known as psychogenesis. This theory was examined and then largely discredited.

One obvious issue with Bettelheim's theory is that there are plenty of families in which one sibling is autistic and another is not. If the way in which both children were parented caused autism, why did only one sibling end up with the disorder?

Eventually, Bettelheim was accused of physically abusing the special needs children he'd worked with, and his professional accolades were also called into question, leading to his reputation being rather tarnished. Most scientists today do not believe that parenting styles can or do lead to the development of autism spectrum disorder, and there's no evidence to support this theory.

Misconception: We need a cure for autism.

This is another topic that I've somewhat avoided just because of how heated people can become about it. I think I can see this argument from both sides, but I'm also sure that some people will disagree with me, which is also fine.

For people like me where I am largely able to care for myself and function in society despite my autism, I wouldn't say I need a cure. If I weren't autistic, I certainly wouldn't be writing this now. My autism is part of what makes me me. Yes, there are drawbacks to being autistic, but there are a lot of good things about it, too.

Did you know that autistic people can be from 90 to 140 percent more productive than their neurotypical peers? And one study discussed in Harvard Business Review found that neurodiverse teams in organizations are 30 percent more productive than others.

That being said, I can see why parents and loved ones of those with so-called "profound autism" (in which someone is disabled to the point where they are unable to care for themselves) would want a cure. Indeed, "mental retardation" is a common comorbidity of autism, with about half of autistic children meeting the criteria for "mental retardation." No one wants to be a burden on their family, friends, and loved ones, and if there were a cure that could help those with profound autism function in society better, I am sure there are plenty of people who would support that.

Misconception: Every autistic person is either a savant or an imbecile.

Just like the wide range of intelligence levels one finds in neurotypical people, there is a similar spectrum when it comes to autistic people. Studies have found that "nearly half of individuals with [autism spectrum disorder] have average or higher IQ." So, some autistic people have very low levels of intelligence, especially when it comes to those with "profound autism" or "mental retardation." Other autistic people are considered geniuses and revolutionary thinkers, like Temple Grandin. Additionally, there is a whole swathe of autistic people who fall somewhere between the two extremes, so to say that every autistic person is either a savant or an imbecile would be incorrect.

Summarizing the Misconception Corrections

From the aforementioned misconception discussion, it’s clear that there are many misconceptions surrounding autism, and these myths can often lead to misunderstanding and stigma. However, as I’ve illustrated above, autism is a highly individual experience, and no two autistic people are the same. It’s important that we move beyond outdated stereotypes and embrace a more nuanced understanding of neurodiversity. Whether it’s about eye contact, empathy, or humor, it’s vital to remember that every autistic person brings something unique to the table.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

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I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Even if you aren’t a gamer, you’re probably aware that most games offer a range of difficulty settings, typically in the form of easy, normal, hard, and heroic (or some other term to that effect) in ascending order of challenge level.

I use this preface to explain what living with undiagnosed neurodivergency is like. Of course, everyone in life has their struggles, and I wouldn’t say that anyone’s life is necessarily on easy mode. Most people, statistically speaking, would probably rate their life’s difficulty level as normal. You’ve got your issues, sure, but overall, you’re able to make it work through determination, effort, and struggle.

Like other people, I’ve had my struggles, and I also thought my life’s difficulty was perhaps rated from normal to hard. So, if that was the case, why was I struggling so much more than other people in similar circumstances?

“I’m on Normal, Right?”

Living with undiagnosed neurodivergency is like playing a game on heroic difficulty while everyone else is playing on normal — but you don’t know that, and they don’t know that. You think you’re on normal too, and so people ask why you’re dying all the time, or why you’re stuck on a boss, or why playing so carefully.

“It’s so easy! Why are you struggling so much? Everyone else can do it!” they tell you. Your parents don’t understand why you struggle with things that other kids find easy. They compare you to others: “See Kimmy over there? She can do it, so why can’t you? You just need to try harder!”

Your coaches and teachers also sense that something is off about you, even if they can’t put their finger on it. They view you as quirky at best and lazy or even disrespectful at worst.

Your friends, if you’re lucky enough to have any, also sense that there is something off about you — or perhaps they don’t, because they’re like you: undiagnosed neurodivergents just trying to survive in a neurotypical world.

And indeed, you look around and everyone else seems to get it, so clearly you must be the issue, right?

You Must Be the Problem

After years, if not decades of hearing the same refrains over and over again, you decide that you must be selfish, incompetent, or lazy — or perhaps even all of the above because you can’t make things work where other people always seem to be able to.

Other people can make friends easily, so why can’t you? Other people find navigating the complex social reality of middle school, high school, college, and beyond with ease, so why can’t you? Other people can network, find jobs and partners with only a bit of trouble, so why can’t you? Other people can figure out what they’re doing with their lives, so why can’t you? Other people can socialize for hours and hours every day at their job and never feel drained or depleted, so why can’t you? Other people can make eye contact with people consistently, so why can’t you?

Other people find changing habits not necessarily easy but doable, whereas you have to put in Herculean efforts to make even small, beneficial changes to your life or routines. Other people can say they’re doing something and then do it, whereas you’ll have to struggle for months to implement necessary changes — even those you know are good for you in the long term. Other people can do “simple” things with ease whereas you end up drained and depleted doing the exact same tasks.

Why can’t you just figure it out? What’s wrong with you?! You just need to work harder! You just need to try harder! You just need to be better! Stop being lazy! Stop being selfish! Stop being stupid!

But What if You’re On Heroic?

What if I told some of you (statistically speaking, some of the people reading this post will also be on the spectrum) that the reason you’re struggling so much is because you’ve been playing on heroic difficulty this whole time? The reason things seemed easy—or at least easier—to other people is because it actually was easier for them? That they don’t have the same struggles with socialization and relationships that you do? That they don’t spend hours scripting conversations, or ruminating over social interactions, or trying to muster up the willpower just to brush their teeth?

It’s apparently not normal to have so much anxiety over every social interaction you have. It’s not normal to worry about how your face might appear to others, if you’re expressing the right amount of anger or sadness or happiness. It’s not normal to carefully consider the words with which you choose to express yourself in the hopes that others might not misunderstand or misinterpret your meanings or motivations. It’s not normal to carefully consider when you should look someone in the eyes, or when you should look away, or if it’s okay to look away.

Realizing You’re on Heroic

So, you’ve spent your whole life thinking you’re on normal, and you finally realize you’re on heroic. After immense struggles and failures and repudiations in your life, you finally understand why things that are seemingly easy for others aren’t for you: many things actually were more difficult for you than the average person.

Furthermore, you were always justified in expressing your frustration, anger, or sadness in those situations, even if you were called stupid or selfish or lazy for it. You were right in your perception that things were fundamentally more difficult for you than they were for other people; other people simply didn’t have the capacity to understand or recognize it.

However, learning and understanding that you’re on heroic mode also means accepting that you can’t change the settings. You can’t swap to easy, normal, or even hard. Worse yet, other people still won’t understand because they’ve never known or experienced anything else other than normal, so you can’t even explain it in a way that they can comprehend. To them, you’ll always be that person who’s struggling with the “simple things” in life.

But now you know the truth, and as the saying goes, “Life doesn’t get easier; you just get stronger.” For us late-diagnosed autistics, the task is learning how to not only survive but thrive on heroic… and it’s not easy.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

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I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Is calling someone autistic insensitive? What about referring to them as a person with autism? How about autist or aspie? There are so many terms out there, so which one is correct? I thought I'd write a page about how to address autistic people because there is so much information and many differing opinions out there.

As I'm sure I'll end up repeating at least a hundred times in writing for this website: When you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. It's the same way in that when you've met one neurotypical person (someone not on the spectrum), you've met one neurotypical person. You wouldn't extrapolate that all other neurotypicals are the same way in appearance, demeanor, or personality from meeting one neurotypical person. Just like neurotypicals, all autistics are different as well.

From the previous paragraph, you might've gleaned what the answer is, but let me elucidate a bit more so that you might have a clearer understanding. On this website, I will use all of the non-pejorative terms interchangeably. If someone is offended by the terms I use, I apologize; no offense is meant.

Person-First Language: "Person with Autism"

Some people with autism prefer person-first terminology. That is, they don't want to be defined by their autism, so they prefer terms like "person with autism," which highlights their personhood first. Because autistic people have been historically poorly treated, many of us feel that our personhood has been denied. For this reason and many others, a good number of people with autism prefer this person-first language.

Characteristic Language: "Autistic"

Others prefer being called autistic, or perhaps they don't mind being referred to as an autistic. Personally, I prefer this terminology because it's easier to write than "a person with autism" and it also solidifies the fact that my autism cannot be removed from who I am as a person. I am the way I am because I am autistic.

Another way to think of it is that you typically refer to someone from Vietnam as Vietnamese. "He's Vietnamese and makes great pho!" is usually what someone would say, and not "He's a person from Vietnam and makes great pho!" Part of the reason this language appeals to me specifically is because in the same way you can't separate Vietnamese heritage from a person, you can't separate autism from a person, either.

Other Terminology: "Aspie" or "Autist"

Yet others prefer terms like aspie, which is short for the now-removed diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. A term like aspie typically would refer to those autistics who are considered as having lower support needs (which is sometimes also referred to as high-functioning, but many autistic people take issue with the term), also known as those autistic people who are Level 1. (To read about what the different levels of autism mean, check out my appropriately-named article The Three Levels of Autism.)

I've also seen the term autist thrown around, typically when referring to someone famous with autism. For example, someone might say something like "the famous autist Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed with Asperger's in his 70s." However, I have also seen this term (among others) used in the pejorative sense, so some autistic people might not like it for the potential negative connotations.

The Answer: Whatever They Prefer

Ultimately, you should refer to someone in the way that they prefer to be referred to. If someone requests that you call them autistic, do that. If someone requests that you use person-first language and refer to them as a person with autism, do that. If they're okay with being called an autist or aspie, use those terms.

It's not difficult to refer to someone in the way in which they prefer, and it costs you little to nothing to do so (aside from perhaps the negligible mental effort of remembering). So, if you aren't sure, ask. Once they tell you, remember and utilize their preferred terminology. It'll go a long way toward making the autistic people in your life feel appreciated and understood.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

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Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

I remember always feeling "different" — whatever that meant. Some of my earliest memories are those of me in daycare or pre-kindergarten. While other children laughed and played and chased one another, I often could be found with my nimble fingers grasping at the rough, salt-crusted chain link fence that overlooked the I-5 freeway in Southern California. I would watch the cars go by for what felt like hours, and in many cases, it probably was.

That's not to say that I never interacted with the other children, because I did, but usually only with one or two that I really liked or got on with. Being in larger groups was difficult for me because I couldn't keep track of what everyone was saying or doing, and then I'd end up feeling overwhelmed and shut down or meltdown. I'd get frustrated at the overwhelming stimulation coming at me from all directions: voices, people, lights, sounds, smells.

Most of all, I'd get frustrated at myself.

If everyone else could manage this somehow, why couldn't I? I must be stupid or inept, I thought, or just plain weird. Maybe I was crazy. I just had to try harder. I just had to work harder.

Growing Pains

This same pattern repeated itself often through my formative years, through middle school, high school, and onto college and beyond. Because I have no intellectual disabilities and always earned excellent grades in school, I was able to make friends in certain situations, but in the vast majority of social situations, I was viewed as weird, strange, or odd. I was the one on my sports teams who was never asked to hang out outside of practice. I wasn't invited to parties or get-togethers, except very rarely, and typically I had to use alcohol in those situations in order to feel "normal" — whatever that meant.

Most of all, I've always felt like there's been a fundamental disconnect between myself and (what often seems like) the rest of the human race. This is apparently a common feeling amongst autistic people in general, and especially those who went undiagnosed until they were adults. I've read that many people describe it as feeling like an alien, like you don't belong, or having an overwhelming sense of otherness.

Looking for Solutions

Like many people, I tried numerous forms of therapy and medications over the years. Some was helpful, but most wasn't. What worked for most people didn't work for me. Litanies of tests were run for many of my unexplainable physical ailments, including migraines, light sensitivities, stress sensitivities, temporomandibular joint (TMJ) dysfunction, digestion issues, and chronic pain among others. It was eventually ruled, in more words and by many different doctors, that it was "all in my head."

I thought I was crazy. I had to be crazy.

Everyone in my life was telling me that I was too sensitive, that I just needed to try harder, or that I was just being selfish or lazy. Even the doctors were telling me that it was all in my head, so clearly, I had to be the problem!

Learning About Autism

In my early 30s and for unrelated reasons, I was doing research into attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I didn't identify with most of the ADHD traits that I was reading about, but I did read that ADHD is often comorbid or found together with autism.

So, I started reading about autism. What was once a fleeting curiosity soon became an obsession (which I now know isn't uncommon among autistics). I was watching autistic creators on YouTube, listening to psychologists lecture about autism, delving into studies on the causes and potential treatments for autism, how autism presents itself differently in men and women, the various levels of autism (which I'd never heard of before), and far more than I could ever hope to include in one blog post.

I was so intrigued by autism because it was the first time in my life that I had felt seen, heard, and understood. These autistic people were talking about all of the things that I had experienced — things other people had told me I was crazy for experiencing. Common refrains I heard throughout life include: "No one feels like that," "No one thinks like that," or "No one does that."

But I did.

I've come to learn and understand that it's actually completely normal for an autistic person to be sensitive to certain stimuli, to have social compatibility issues, and to have otherwise unexplainable medical issues. (Please note that this is only the smallest tip of the iceberg when it comes to experiences that some autistic people have, and is not at all an exhaustive list of my own symptoms.)

Seeing the Light

When you learn that your sense of fundamental difference from most other people is actually real, and you're not crazy, and it's not all in your head...

It's liberating.

At once, almost everything suddenly makes sense. You replay situations in your head, looking at them through the lens of autism, and you realize that you weren't actually a weird person; you were just an autistic person trying to make it work in a world not meant for you.

Those social faux pas that you ruminated on over and over again, trying to determine what you might've done better or could've otherwise said, actually happened because you were an autistic person trying to communicate in the best way you knew how. It didn't work out, but it wasn't that you'd intended to be mean or rude; you were truly trying your best, and your best often wasn't good enough. All of the scripting of dialogues that never end in your head may seem strange to a "normal" person, but it's quite common for many autistics.

I could go on for a long while about such topics, and I'm sure I will in future blog posts, but the purpose of this one is to say that getting diagnosed with autism has been a life-changing event. Whereas I didn't have any explanations before — aside from the suggestion that I was crazy — I now have answers, understanding, and most of all, a much more empathetic lens through which to view myself.

Autism has given me permission to be kinder to myself, something even I didn't realize I sorely needed.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Did you know that approximately 92 percent of children with autism meet the criteria for at least one non-autism spectrum disorder (ASD) diagnosis? Unfortunately, autism is a disorder that comes with a number of comorbidities, or co-occurring conditions. I addressed the overlap of autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) here, but what are some of the other common comorbidities that we should be aware of?

In this article, I'll go through a number of comorbidities related to autism and provide evidence, statistics, and reputable sources to back up the information and claims made. As always, I encourage everyone to do their own research and come to their own conclusions. Note that the list below is in no particular order other than alphabetical, and that it may not be an exhaustive list of all comorbidities relating to autism (although I tried to be as exhaustive as I could).

Terms to Know

• ASD: Abbreviation for Autism Spectrum Disorder

• DSM: Abbreviation for The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the taxonomic and diagnostic tool published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA)

• Neurodivergent: People who are on the spectrum.

• Neurotypical: People who are not on the spectrum.

Alexithymia

Alexithymia is when someone has trouble identifying, experiencing, and expressing their emotions, as well as recognizing emotions in others. It's sometimes referred to "emotional blindness," and men are more likely to have alexithymia than women. Up to half of autistic people experience alexithymia, making it difficult for them to be in touch with their own emotions.

Scientists aren't sure why autistic people are more likely to be alexithymic, but some speculate that it could be due to the fact that autistic people have different brain structures than neurotypical people. Others speculate that it could be a distinctive personality trait related to autism.

Rates of Alexithymia in the General US Population: 4.89%

Estimated Rates of Alexithymia in Autistic People: Up to 49.9%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of alexithymia and autism:

• "Alexithymia is common in ASD, both low and high-functioning... Most importantly however, there is also much trait overlap between alexithymia and ASD" (Poquerusse et al., 2018).

• "Alexithymia is known to be much more common in adults with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) compared with the typically developing (TD) adult population... We find that alexithymia is substantially elevated in ASD on both self- and parent-report measures" (Griffin et al., 2016).

• "There was also a higher prevalence of alexithymia in the ASD group (49.93% compared to 4.89%), with a significantly increased risk of alexithymia in autistic participants" (Kinnaird et al., 2019).

Anxiety/Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

General anxiety is quite common in autistic people, perhaps because they are "fully aware they’re struggling in ways their peers may not be, and that they have some sensitivities and issues that their peers may not," as clinical psychologist Dr. Jephtha Tausig put it. Anxiety may also manifest in many ways like phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and social anxiety -- all of which will be discussed later on in this article.

Rates of Anxiety Disorders in the General US Population: 2.7% to 19.1%

Estimated Rates of Anxiety Disorders in Autistic People: 20.1% to 56%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of anxiety and autism:

• "Approximately 92% of children met criteria for at least one non-autism spectrum disorder diagnosis (78% attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, 58% oppositional defiant disorder, 56% anxiety, 30% mood)" (Brookman-Frazee et al., 2017).

• "Anxiety disorders were diagnosed in 20.1% of adults with ASD compared with 8.7% of controls (RR = 2.62 [95% CI 2.47–2.79]), with greatest risk for autistic people without intellectual disability" (Nimmo-Smith et al., 2020).

• "Across studies, 39.6% of young people with ASD had at least one comorbid DSM-IV anxiety disorder" (Steensel et al., 2011).

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

There is such a significant overlap between autism and ADHD that it gets its own page:

Chronic Pain Conditions

An increasing number of recent studies are showing that chronic pain conditions (including autoimmune disorders) are often comorbid with autism. On top of that, women and those assigned female at birth have higher rates of chronic pain than men or those assigned male at birth.

It's not clear why there is such an overlap between autism and chronic pain conditions, but some speculate that because many autistic people have hypo- and hyper-sensitivities (being under- or over-sensitive to certain stimuli), this can also impact their lives in other areas.

Rates of Chronic Pain Conditions in the General US Population: 21%

Estimated Rates of Chronic Pain Conditions in Autistic People: 55% to 76.6%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of chronic pain conditions and autism:

• "Of the patients with autism, 55% presented to the clinic with widespread pain, 69% were assigned female at birth, and 17% identified as transgender or gender expansive" (Han et al., 2024).

• "A large majority of [women with ASD and/or ADHD] (76.6%) reported chronic pain. [Health-related quality of life] was low overall and lower still for those reporting chronic pain" (Asztély et al., 2019).

• "The prevalence of significant autistic traits, fibromyalgia and hypermobility were all much greater than expected at 63.4%, 40.6% and 43.7% respectively... Fibromyalgia was significantly associated with autistic traits" (Ryan et al., 2023).

Depression

Depression is extremely common among autistic adults, as people with autism are four times more likely to experience depression in their lifetime compared to neurotypical control groups. A survey by the National Autistic Society in the UK found that 83 percent of autistic people reported experiencing depression.

Reasons for high rates of depression among autistics may vary, but some scientists speculate that higher rates of being bullied during childhood and adolescence may play a role. Other studies suggest that "everyday discrimination, internalized stigma, and concealment [camouflage and masking]" may also contribute to higher rates of depression among autistics.

Rates of Depression in the General US Population: 6.7%

Estimated Rates of Depression in Autistic People: 14.4% to 28.5% (although including self-reported depressive issues can make that number rise to 48.6%)

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of depression and autism:

• "In conclusion, we found that the rates of depressive disorders are high among individuals with ASD. Compared to typically developing individuals, individuals with ASD are 4-times more likely to experience depression in their lifetime" (Hudson et al., 2019).

• "Individuals with ASD have increased rates of depression compared to the general population... Findings help pinpoint susceptibilities in ASD that may confer increased risk for depression" (Unruh et al., 2021).

• "In line with previous research, there are more autistic traits, more worries and less perceived control in those that are known with a history of depression. Moreover, there is, as expected, a direct relation between autism and depression" (van Heijst et al., 2019).

Eating Disorders

Many autistic people struggle with eating disorders, both eating too little (anorexia) and eating too much (binge eating), as well as avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). It's speculated that because autistic people have trouble with interoception (the process of perceiving senses inside the body like thirst, hunger, fullness, and pain), it's harder for them to eat intuitively.

Rates of Eating Disorders in the General US Population: 5%

Estimated Rates of Eating Disorders in Autistic People: Up to 70.4%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of eating disorders and autism:

• "Atypical eating behaviors were significantly more common in autism (70.4%) than in children with other disorders (13.1%) and typical children (4.8%)" (Mayes & Zickgraf, 2019).

• "Greater autistic social traits in childhood could represent a risk factor for the development of disordered eating in adolescence" (Solmi et al., 2020).

• "We reported for the first time that not only [anorexia] but also [bulimia] and [binge eating disorder] patients show greater autistic traits compared to [control group]" (Gesi et. al, 2020).

• "Autistic traits or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can be found in 4% to 52% of anorexic patients, which makes the treatment of these patients very challenging" (Tololeski et al., 2021).

Epilepsy and Seizures

We've known about the link between autism and epilepsy for a while now (the earliest study I could find dated back to 1971), but scientists still aren't quite sure why there is such an overlap. Some scientists speculate that it may be due to "genomic copy number variation or mutations in single genes" as both have been associated with autism and epilepsy.

Rates of Epilepsy in the General US Population: 1.2%

Estimated Rates of Epilepsy in Autistic People: Up to 46%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of epilepsy and autism:

• "Based on a representative sample of children with ASD, the average prevalence of epilepsy is approximately 12% and reaches 26% by adolescence" (Viscidi et al., 2013).

• "...Our approach was to look at a range of severity factors relevant to ASD and to look for correlations between each severity factor and epilepsy, within two large samples of children with ASD. In summary, we found that each severity factor... independently predicted a small increased risk for epilepsy" (Ewen et al., 2019).

Gastrointestinal Issues

Most autistic people experience some degree of gastrointestinal issues (GI). The most commonly reported problems are constipation, diarrhea, and abdominal pain. Constipation has also found to be a common issue, with one study revealing that 85 percent of autistic children experience constipation. It's not clear why so many autistics suffer from GI, but some speculate it could be due to a different gut microbiome or the increased amount of stress and anxiety that autistic people live with.

Rates of Gastrointestinal Issues in the General US Population: 21%

Estimated Rates of Gastrointestinal Issues in Autistic People: 9% to 91%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of gastrointestinal issues and autism:

• "Results indicate greater prevalence of [gastrointestinal] symptoms among children with ASD compared with control children" (McElhanon et al., 2014).

• "The prevalence of [gastrointestinal] symptoms in children with ASD varies from 9-91%. The most comprehensive meta-analysis to date revealed that children with ASD were more than four-fold more likely to develop GI problems than those without ASD and, further, that constipation, diarrhea and abdominal pain are reported most commonly" (Madra et al., 2020).

• "Functional constipation was the most common type of GID in children with ASD (85.0%)... Presence of GID in children with ASD was not associated with distinct dietary habits or medication status" (Gorrindo et al., 2012).

Insomnia and Sleep Troubles

Many autistic people experience insomnia and other sleep disturbances, including trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, waking up early, and daytime fatigue due to poor sleep. Worse yet, traditional sleep medications like melatonin and sedatives may not work as well in autistic people, according to one study: "Limited evidence exists regarding the use and efficacy of medications for the treatment of sleep disorders in [autistic children]."

Rates of Insomnia in the General US Population: 30%

Estimated Rates of Insomnia in Autistic People: 39% to 80%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of insomnia and autism:

• "Approximately 50% to 80% of children and adolescents with ASD suffer from sleep problems in comparison to 20-30% in neurotypical (NT) children" (Xavier, 2021).

• "In line with the assumption that sleep problems in ASD are not limited to childhood but persist throughout development, the average [Insomnia Severity Index] score within the present sample was indicative of moderate insomnia" (Hohn et al., 2019).

• "Sleep problems are more than twice as common in young children with ASD and DD w/ASD" (Reynolds et al., 2019).

Intellectual Disabilities

Those with autism are more likely to have some form of intellectual disability compared to the average population. This typically means an individual has an intelligence quotient (IQ) of 70 to 75, although a score is no longer needed for a diagnosis of intellectual disability. Additionally, those autistic people with intellectual disabilities are much more likely to get diagnosed than those without (likely due to masking and compensating). It should be noted, however, that most autistic people still have an average to above average IQ, and remember that intellectual disability is not a requirement for an ASD diagnosis.

Rates of Intellectual Disabilities in the General US Population: 2.13%

Estimated Rates of Intellectual Disabilities in Autistic People: 31% to 37.9%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of intellectual disabilities and autism:

• "Among the nine sites with sufficient data on intellectual ability, 31% of children with ASD were classified in the range of intellectual disability (intelligence quotient [IQ] <70), 25% were in the borderline range (IQ 71-85), and 44% had IQ scores in the average to above average range (i.e., IQ >85)" (Baio et al., 2018).

• "Among the 4,165 (66.7%) children with ASD with information on cognitive ability, 37.9% were classified as having an intellectual disability" (Maenner et al., 2020).

Mood Disorders

The term "mood disorders" refers to a wide range of disorders that unsurprisingly affect mood. This might include anxiety and depression, but could also refer to a number of other disorders. Autistic people who have no intellectual disability seem most prone to developing mood disorders. Some researchers speculate that since they are able to understand and be aware of their own impairments but not fix them, this leads to increased mental health troubles. Others suggest that accumulated stresses of living with autism can also contribute to mood disorders.

Rates of Mood Disorders in the General US Population: 21.4%

Estimated Rates of Mood Disorders in Autistic People: 30% to 91%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of mood disorders and autism:

• "Approximately 92% of children met criteria for at least one non-autism spectrum disorder diagnosis (78% attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, 58% oppositional defiant disorder, 56% anxiety, 30% mood)" (Brookman-Frazee et al., 2017).

• "In our study group, 70% had experienced at least one episode of major depression, and 50% had suffered from recurrent depressive episodes. Anxiety disorders were seen in about 50%... In conclusion, young adults with autism spectrum disorders are at high risk for mood and anxiety disorders" (Lugnegard et al., 2011).

• "Ninety-one percent of children/adolescents [with ASD] and thirty-one percent of young adults [with ASD] were diagnosed with one or more co-occurring diagnoses using the [Mini International Neuropsychiatric Interview (MINI)]" (Mosner et al., 2020).

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a long-lasting disorder in which a person experiences uncontrollable and recurring thoughts (obsessions), engages in repetitive behaviors (compulsions), or both. For that reason, it's perhaps not that surprising that a higher proportion of autistic people experience OCD as compared to the general population. In fact, studies have found that people in treatment for OCD often have a high number of autistic traits.

Rates of OCD in the General US Population: 0.47% to 2.3%

Estimated Rates of OCD in Autistic People: 3.43% to 17.4%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of OCD and autism:

• "Across studies, 39.6% of young people with ASD had at least one comorbid DSM-IV anxiety disorder, the most frequent being specific phobia (29.8%) followed by OCD (17.4%) and social anxiety disorder (16.6%)" (van Steensel et al., 2011).

• "There is a high prevalence of previously undiagnosed ASD in patients with OCD. ASD traits are associated with greater OCD symptom-severity and poor insight" (Wikramanayake et al., 2018).

• "The high comorbidity, sequential risk, and shared familial risks between OCD and autism spectrum disorders are suggestive of partially shared etiological mechanisms between these severe mental disorders" (Meier et al., 2015).

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

The DSM-V describes Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) as "a pattern of angry/irritable mood, argumentative/defiant behavior, or vindictiveness lasting at least 6 months." ODD is a tricky disorder when it comes to autism because autistic people might have many of the symptoms of ODD, but not for the same reasons. For example, an autistic person might seem argumentative, but they're actually trying to understand the reasoning behind why a decision was made instead of deliberately trying to obstructive.

Rates of ODD in the General US Population: 2% to 11%

Estimated Rates of ODD in Autistic People: 28.1% to 58%

Here are some additional studies about the overlap between ODD and autism:

• "Approximately 92% of children met criteria for at least one non-autism spectrum disorder diagnosis (78% attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, 58% oppositional defiant disorder, 56% anxiety, 30% mood)" (Brookman-Frazee et al., 2017).

• "Seventy percent of [autistic study group] had at least one comorbid disorder and 41% had two or more. The most common diagnoses were social anxiety disorder (29.2%, 95% confidence interval [CI)] 13.2-45.1), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (28.2%, 95% CI 13.3-43.0), and oppositional defiant disorder (28.1%, 95% CI 13.9-42.2)" (Simonoff et al., 2008).

• "The DSM-5 tripartite model of ODD appears to be generalisable to ASD: for people with an autistic disorder, [angry and irritable symptoms], [argumentative and defiant behavior] and vindictive dimensions of oppositionality have distinct associations with concurrent psychopathology, suggesting the need to assess them as separate constructs" (Mandy et al., 2014).

Panic Disorders

People with panic disorder may have frequent and unexpected panic attacks characterized by a sudden wave of fear, discomfort, or a sense of losing control even when there is no clear danger or trigger. Women are more likely to develop panic disorders than men. People with autism are thought to have higher rates of panic disorders, although panic disorders also may be difficult to differentiate from meltdowns and shutdowns, which are common in autistics.

Rates of Panic Disorders in the General US Population: 2.7% to 4.7%

Estimated Rates of Panic Disorders in Autistic People: No concrete data available, although one study found that autistic people are about three times as likely as the general population to experience panic disorders.

• "In addition, social-phobic, obsessive-compulsive and panic-agoraphobic spectrum symptoms were always found to be higher in ASD subjects, second only to the group with a diagnosis matching the spectrum under investigation" (Amatori, 2023).

• "Adults with ASD without [intellectual disability] had higher adjusted risks of panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, PTSD, somatoform disorders and mixed anxiety and depression" (Nimmo-Smith, 2020).

Phobias

Phobias are uncontrollable, irrational, and persistent fears of something, often an object, situation, or activity. Like so many other conditions, autistic people seem to be disproportionately affected by phobias compared to the general population. This may have something to do with the prevalence of anxiety in autistic people (as anxiety can lead to the development of phobias), but we don't know for sure.

Rates of Phobias in the General US Population: 9.1% to 12.5%

Estimated Rates of Phobias in Autistic People: Up to 30%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of phobias and autism:

• "Across studies, 39.6% of young people with ASD had at least one comorbid DSM-IV anxiety disorder, the most frequent being specific phobia (29.8%) followed by OCD (17.4%) and social anxiety disorder (16.6%)" (van Steensel et al., 2011).

• "Anxiety is common in children with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), with specific fears and phobias one of the most frequent subtypes. Specific fears and phobias can have a serious impact on young people with ASD and their families" (Maskey et al., 2014).

• A recent systematic review revealed that approximately 40% of patients with autism spectrum disorders are assigned at least one comorbid diagnosis of anxiety, the most frequent being specific phobia (30%)" (Meier et al., 2015).

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event like a sexual assault, car crash, natural disaster, or combat during warfare. It can lead to flashbacks, night terrors, anxiety, and substance abuse. Autistic adults are four times more likely to be diagnosed with PTSD than adults without ASD. Furthermore, although women are more likely to develop PTSD than men, in autistic populations, men are more likely to develop PTSD than women for reasons yet unknown.

Why autistic people are more likely to develop PTSD is unclear, although some researchers suggest that just being autistic in a neurotypical world is traumatic in and of itself, referring to it as "the experience of having autism and the trauma associated with that."

Rates of PTSD in the General US Population: 3.6% to 6.8%

Estimated Rates of PTSD in Autistic People: Up to 60%

Here are some additional studies about the overlap of PTSD and autism:

• "Adults with ASD without [intellectual disability] had higher adjusted risks of panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, PTSD, somatoform disorders and mixed anxiety and depression" (Nimmo-Smith, 2020).

• "Clinical and scientific data show a higher risk of adverse events and trauma in people with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD)... Adults with ASD are more than four times likely to be diagnosed with PTSD than adults without ASD" (Lobregt-van Buuren et al., 2021).

• "Autistic adults experienced a wide range of life events as traumatic, with over 40% showing probable PTSD within the last month and over 60% reporting probable PTSD at some point in their lifetime" (Rumball et al., 2020).

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a much more severe form of better-known premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Think of it as PMS on steroids, and not in a good way. While both PMS and PMDD may lead to bloating, headaches, breast tenderness, and irritability, PMDD tends to have more severe side effects, including panic attacks, extreme fatigue, feelings of overwhelm, and even suicidal ideation. Women with autism are far more likely than the general population to experience PMDD.

Reasons and causes for PMDD in general are unknown, although many researchers suggest that genetics, hormone sensitivity, and/or sensory sensitivity may play a role.

Rates of PMDD in the General US Population: 3%

Estimated Rates of PMDD in Autistic Women: 21% to 92%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of PMDD and autism:

• "Using a premenstrual increase in DSM-IV symptoms of ≥ 30% as evidence of fulfilment of diagnostic criteria, the prevalence of late luteal phase dysphoric disorder [PMDD] was 92% in the autism group compared with 11% in the control group" (Obaydi & Puri, 2008).

• Seventy-nine percent of the adults with ASD have experienced any psychiatric disorder once in their lives... notable is the high percentage of females meeting criteria for a premenstrual dysphoric disorder (21%)" (Lever & Geurts, 2016).

Social Anxiety Disorder

It's well-known and probably unsurprising that many autistic people have trouble with social interactions. As I've touched on before, neurotypical people are less willing to interact with those with autism, neurotypical people react less favorably toward autistic people, and autistic people are viewed as deceptive and lacking credibility (even when telling the truth). For that reason, and more, it’s really no wonder that a good percentage of autistic folks develop social anxiety disorder.

Rates of Social Anxiety in the General US Population: 7% to 13%

Estimated Rates of Social Anxiety in Autistic People: 16.6% to 50% (some state that the upper number might be as high as 84%, but I can't find the study to back up that claim)

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of social anxiety and autism:

• "Adolescents with [high-functioning autism (HFA)/autism spectrum (AS)] scored higher than the community sample on all measures. Behavioural avoidance and evaluative social anxiety increased by age within the HFA/AS group, whereas behavioural avoidance decreased by age in control participants. Data support that HFA/AS in adolescents may be associated with clinically relevant social anxiety symptoms" (Kuusikko et al., 2008).

• "[Social anxiety (SA)], in individuals with ASD, was associated with poorer social skills and functioning, and reduced social motivation... These findings support the notion that there are links between core ASD characteristics and SA" (Spain et al., 2018).

• "A large subset (50%) of the adults with ASD met diagnostic criteria for [social anxiety disorder (SAD)]... Findings demonstrate that many adults with ASD are aware of their social difficulties and experience impairing social anxiety" (Maddox & White, 2015).

• "Seventy percent of [autistic study group] had at least one comorbid disorder and 41% had two or more. The most common diagnoses were social anxiety disorder (29.2%, 95% confidence interval [CI)] 13.2-45.1), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (28.2%, 95% CI 13.3-43.0), and oppositional defiant disorder (28.1%, 95% CI 13.9-42.2)" (Simonoff et al., 2008).

Substance Use Disorders/Addiction Problems

Autistic people are at greater risk for substance use disorders as compared to the general population. This may be because they use substances both as a way to self-medicate and to try to fit in better with their peers. It should be noted however that a 2021 study found that "autistic individuals might be less likely than non-autistic individuals to report engaging in substance misuse," so there seems to be some conflicting information out there.

I personally have had my own struggles with alcohol use disorder, which I discussed in my blog post A Knight in Shining Armor.

Rates of Substance Use Disorder in the General US Population: 16.7%

Estimated Rates of Substance Use Disorder in Autistic People: Up to 36%

Here are some additional studies on the overlap of substance abuse disorders/addiction problems and autism:

• "ASD, without diagnosed comorbidity of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or intellectual disability, was related to a doubled risk of substance use-related problems. The risk of substance use-related problems was the highest among individuals with ASD and ADHD" (Butwicka et al., 2017).

• "Recent studies suggest that up to 36% of individuals with autism spectrum disorder may have a co-occurring issue with substance abuse" (Ressel et al., 2020).

• "These findings suggest that patients with ASD are vulnerable to the development of substance use disorder, and the use of psychotropic agents for autism is associated with a decreased risk of substance use disorder" (Huang et al., 2021).

Suicidal Ideation

Autistic people are much more likely to consider suicide compared to the general population with up to 66 percent of autistic adults experiencing suicidal ideation. Suicide is also one of the main reasons that autistic people have shorter life expectancies than the general population. Additionally, at least one study has found that autistic people with higher IQs are more likely to contemplate suicide.

It's believed that a number of factors relating to autism contribute to the increased percentage of suicidal ideation, including mental health problems, trauma, masking, camouflaging, and social isolation. If you are having suicidal thoughts yourself, please contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Unfortunately, I’ve had my own struggles with suicidal ideation, as touched on in my blog post A Knight in Shining Armor.

Rates of Suicidal Ideation in the General US Population: 4.3%

Estimated Rates of Suicidal Ideation in Autistic People: 19.7% to 66%

Here are some more studies on the overlap of suicidal ideation and autism:

• "Evidence of autism (10.8%) was significantly higher in those who died by suicide... Elevated autistic traits are significantly over-represented in those who die by suicide" (Cassidy et al., 2022).

• "Adults with [ASD] were significantly more likely to report lifetime experience of suicidal ideation than were individuals from a general UK population sample... Our findings lend support to anecdotal reports of increased rates of suicidal ideation in adults with [ASD], and depression as an important potential risk factor for suicidality in adults with this condition" (Cassidy et al., 2014).

• "These data suggest that suicidality in autistic people with ADHD may be partially related to perceived burdensomeness and to acquired suicide capability after exposure to painful and provocative events" (Moseley et al., 2024).

• "The findings suggest that high levels of autistic traits may frequently be present in adults who have attempted suicide, and that [autism quotient] scores are higher in those with a history of more than one suicide attempt" (Richards et al., 2019).

Summing it Up: The Complexity of Autism and Its Comorbidities

Understanding autism and its struggles means recognizing that it rarely exists in isolation. With an estimated 92% of autistic individuals experiencing at least one additional diagnosis, it’s clear that autism is often accompanied by a range of physical, neurological, and mental health conditions. These comorbidities — whether anxiety, ADHD, chronic pain, epilepsy, depression, or even suicidal ideation — add layers of complexity and difficulty to the autistic experience.

Rather than viewing autism as a singular condition, we must acknowledge the broad spectrum (pun intended) of challenges that come with it. Each autistic person’s experience is unique, shaped by the presence of other disorders that can impact their daily life, well-being, and quality of life. Recognizing these overlaps can lead to better healthcare, more effective treatment plans, and greater empathy from society as a whole.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

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I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

Did you know that Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) are comorbid, or often found together? Essentially, if you have either autism or ADHD, you probably want to get evaluated for the other just because they are so often co-occurring. Having both is often referred to as being AuDHD — the combination of autism and ADHD.

"Autism is the order to ADHD's chaos." —Dr. Devon Price in Unmasking Autism

You Can Have Both?

Yes. When The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (commonly referred to as the DSM-V) was published in 2013, autism and ADHD were finally recognized as potentially co-existing conditions.

Before that, both conditions were not able to be diagnosed together. In fact, ASD was an exclusion criteria for ADHD in the DSM-IV (the previous edition of the DSM). However, even before the DSM was updated in 2013, there were studies done that suggested a correlation between ASD and ADHD. I've listed a number of these studies later in this article.

What's the Difference Between ADD and ADHD?

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is simply the old name for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). ADD was first added as a diagnosis in 1980 with the release of the DSM-III. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) changed the name to ADHD in 1987, and later added variations to the condition in the 1994 release of the DSM-IV: mostly hyperactive and impulsive, mostly inattentive, and a combined type that included all three symptoms.

Despite the many changes to the various editions of the DSM, some people still refer to ADHD as ADD, probably because they grew up using the latter term and are more familiar with it.

What Percentage of People Have Both ASD and ADHD?

That's the million-dollar question! The answer is that we're not entirely sure. Different studies have found a variety of percentages. There is a wide range of findings, although most of the evidence seems to point to a higher level of overlap than previously thought. Estimates range from around a 20 to 80 percent overlap in the diagnoses, which you can see evidence for in the next section.

Scientific Studies on the Comorbidity of Autism and ADHD

Interested in learning more about the overlap of autism and ADHD? Check out the following studies for more information, as well as the methodology and statistics used to come to those conclusions.

• "Evidence indicates both disorders co-occur with a high frequency, in 20-50% of children with ADHD meeting criteria for ASD and in 30-80% of ASD children meeting criteria for ADHD" (Rommelse et al., 2010).

• "According to the scientific literature, 50 to 70% of individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) also present with comorbid attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)" (Hours et al., 2022).

• "This study aims to evaluate ADHD-like symptoms in children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) based on single-item analysis, as well as the comparison of two ASD subsamples of children with ADHD (ASD+) and without ADHD (ASD-)... Of the sample, 53% [of children with ASD] fulfill DSM-IV criteria for ADHD" (Sinzig et al., 2009).

• "The aims of this systematic chart review were to determine the frequency of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in a clinic sample of children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorders (ASD)... Of 83 children, 78% fulfilled Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition (DSM-IV) criteria for ADHD and exceeded the 93rd percentile norm for the ADHD RS" (Lee & Ousley, 2006).

• "Seventy percent of participants [children with ASD] had at least one comorbid disorder and 41% had two or more. The most common diagnoses were social anxiety disorder (29.2%, 95% confidence interval [CI)] 13.2-45.1), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (28.2%, 95% CI 13.3-43.0), and oppositional defiant disorder (28.1%, 95% CI 13.9-42.2)" (Simonoff et al., 2008).

Why are ASD and ADHD Found Together?

That's another great question that we don't exactly have answers for yet. There are a number of theories as to why there is such an overlap between the two, but there is no concrete or definitive reason that scientists can find yet. Some theories include:

• Genetics: Both ADHD and autism have a strong genetic component. More research is needed into how exactly genetics might play a role in this comorbidity.

• Neurodevelopmental Reasons: Since both ASD and ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders, it's thought that brain development was somehow affected, leading to an overlap in the disorders.

• Brain Structure: We know that the structure of the autistic brain is different from the structure of a neurotypical brain, so it could be that simply having a different brain structure may make one more prone to having ADHD as well.

• Environmental Factors: Some theorize that prenatal or perinatal exposure to neurotoxic compounds like pesticides, insecticides, and phthalate esters (often used in the production of electronic, packaging, and children's toys) could affect brain development, leading to ASD or ADHD or both. A study released in 2024 suggested that prenatal exposure to acetaminophen to adverse neurodevelopment in humans and animals, including higher rates of ADHD.

Overlapping Symptoms

ASD and ADHD have a number of overlapping symptoms, making diagnosis and treatment a bit more complex. Both conditions commonly involve difficulties with attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, and social interactions. Both children and adults with either ASD or ADHD may struggle with following instructions, maintaining focus on tasks, and managing transitions between activities. Additionally, both groups can exhibit high levels of hyperactivity, restlessness, and difficulties with executive functioning, such as planning and organizing. Sensory sensitivities, often associated with autism, are also increasingly recognized in individuals with ADHD.

• Dyspraxia: Several studies have been conducted on dyspraxia (impaired basic motor control and difficulties with skilled gestures), revealing that both ASD and ADHD people struggle with this impairment.

• Shorter Lifespans: A 2025 study on life expectancy for over 9.5 million ADHD adults in the UK found that adults with diagnosed ADHD had a reduced life expectancy—6.78 years shorter for males and 8.64 years shorter for females—compared to the general population.

Conclusion: More Studies Needed

The overlap between Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is more common than many realize, with a significant percentage of individuals diagnosed with one disorder also showing symptoms of the other. While the exact reasons for this comorbidity remain unclear, research suggests a variety of potential contributing factors, including genetics, neurodevelopmental differences, and environmental factors. Understanding the co-occurrence of ASD and ADHD (AuDHD), is essential for improving diagnosis, treatment, and support for individuals who experience both.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

My commitment to bringing you FREE, well-researched, and comprehensive content means I spend considerable time and effort writing each article or post without compensation.

Want to Support Me?

The simplest FREE way you can support me is by subscribing, sharing, or leaving a comment:

Subscribe now

Share New Autistic

Leave a comment

I believe in keeping my content accessible to everyone, without paywalls, because I know the work I do matters. For that reason, I’m beyond grateful for any financial support! If you'd like to support me and my work, check out my art website at AriesArtwork.com to bring home something unique or find a gift for that special someone in your life:

I’ll see you again when I’ve got a new info-dump for you, my Newtistics Crew!

—Skylar Aries

If you've lived anywhere else but under a rock for the past few decades, you'll have heard the apocryphal refrains that "rates of autism are skyrocketing" and "everyone's autistic now!" Obviously, there is a bit of hyperbolic liberty taken with these statements, but that hasn't stopped major news outlets, mainstream media, and people on social media from disseminating such information. What's the real deal? Is everyone autistic now? Are rates of autism actually skyrocketing?

I intend to examine these questions (and more that will be added to this page later) through a fact-seeking lens. Remember, however, that I am writing from the perspective of an autistic person, and if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. Other people, autistic or otherwise, may have differing opinions. (I should hope that they support their opinions with facts, like I do.)

Are Rates of Autism on the Rise?

The answer to this question seems to be both yes and no.

Yes

From a strictly statistical standpoint, yes, there are more people being diagnosed with autism today than there have been in the past. In the year 2000, about 1 in 150 children was diagnosed with autism according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). That number jumped to 1 in 36 children in 2020, a four-fold increase. Understandably, a lot of people have been alarmed at this seemingly sudden and unforeseen increase in rates of autism.

Yes, But...

However, in order to understand this change (from 1 in 150 to 1 in 36) more clearly, the diagnostic criteria for autism must also be examined. If we've changed the way in which we diagnose autism, then it would make logical sense that numbers of diagnosed individuals might change.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, commonly referred to as the DSM-V, was published in 2013 and revised in 2022. The DSM is "the taxonomic and diagnostic tool published by the American Psychiatric Association." Think of it as the Bible of American psychology and psychiatry. Other nations may use other criteria, so please note that I am speaking from a United States-based perspective.

In order to keep this easy to understand, I'm going to try to explain what happened with the diagnostic criteria for autism in laymen's terms. (If you want a more in-depth explanation and analysis, I recommend reading the book Neurotribes by Steve Silberman.) In 2013, the DSM-V overhauled autistic disorder to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), bringing in similar disorders like the now-discarded Asperger's Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD-NOS), Rett's Disorder, and childhood disintegrative disorder under the umbrella of the new ASD.

Putting multiple other disorders like Asperger's and PDD under the umbrella of ASD is quite obviously going to cause rates of ASD to go up. What might've in the past been diagnosed as one of these other disorders now falls under the ASD diagnostic criteria. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that rates of ASD would go up from that alone.

Furthermore, autism was once thought only to affect boys, or at least was thought to be much more prevalent in males than females. While it's true that boys (and affluent white boys especially) are far more likely to be diagnosed—because that was the group most heavily studied—we now know that autism often presents differently in males and females and there could be just as many female autistics as there are males. (At the very least, the numbers are not so disparate as they were once believed to be.)

If we previously excluded roughly 50 percent of the population on the basis of their sex, it makes perfect sense that rates of autism would seem to be on the rise once we start more seriously evaluating the other sex for ASD. In simpler terms, more women are getting evaluated and diagnosed.

Similarly, we see the same effect in people of color. In the past, most people diagnosed with autism were white and upper-middle class. Now that other races and ethnicities are being studied more extensively in terms of ASD, more people of color are being diagnosed, and that also increases the total number of ASD diagnoses.

No

There's also an argument to be made that rates of autism aren't actually increasing; only the rates of autism diagnosis are increasing. What do I mean by this?

Let's look at Mt. Everest. It was ostensibly discovered in 1852 by surveyors working for the British government. But that doesn't really make sense because, obviously, Mt. Everest was there in 1851, and in 1850, and in 1849, and so on and so forth. Earth's tallest peak didn't suddenly poof into existence just because some British surveyors went poking around Nepal in 1852, right? Mt. Everest existed long before then—we just didn't know where to look.

And many argue that it's the same with autism: autism has always been here; we just didn't know where to look. As Temple Grandin (a famous autistic author, speaker, and professor) has posited:

"Who do you think made the first stone spear? That wasn't the yakkity yaks sitting around the campfire. It was some Asperger sitting in the back of a cave figuring out how to chip rocks into spearheads."

The Real Answer

Whether rates of autism itself are going up is another debate entirely, but it's clear from the evidence that rates of ASD diagnosis are indeed on the rise, and will likely continue to rise for the foreseeable future.

Is Everyone Autistic Now?

Another question I see commonly floated on social media is, "Why is everyone autistic now?" I would attribute hyperbole to some of these commenters, but I also agree that they do have a point: far more people are being diagnosed with autism/ASD than ever before. We see it in media (books, movies, and television). We see it in online spaces. We see it in schools and workplaces. So, what's going on?

Some Famous People with Autism

Many big-name celebrities, artists, actors, and businessmen have revealed their diagnoses over recent years, including Anthony Hopkins, Eminem, Elon Musk, Satoshi Tajiri (the creator of the Pokémon franchise), and Courtney Love—just to name a few. Many, many more are suspected of being on the autism spectrum.

Furthermore, many people speculate that a ton of prominent people throughout history would meet the criteria for an ASD diagnosis today, including Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Carl Jung, Emily Dickinson, George Orwell, Andy Warhol, Nikola Tesla, and Vincent van Gogh—again, just to name a few. In Silberman's Neurotribes, he expands on several prominent scientists who almost certainly would've been considered autistic today.

But Why is Everyone Autistic?

To be clear (and although this should go without saying, I'll say it): not everyone is autistic now. There may be more representation of autistic people in media, and certainly more people are getting diagnosed, but that is a far cry from "everyone" being autistic.

ASD is still a relatively rare disorder that is currently diagnosed in about 2.8 to 4.5 percent of the population (as of 2023 statistics). Those rates are similar, though slightly lower, to rates of people who are blind or have a vision disability (4.8 percent) or people who are deaf or have serious difficulty hearing (6.1 percent).

The Frequency Illusion

In truth, most people probably are noticing autism more (and therefore thinking it's far more prevalent than it is) due to the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, also known as the frequency illusion. This cognitive bias occurs when you notice a specific word, thing, person, product, etc. more frequently after being made aware of it.

For example, say I tell you that there are a lot more crows this year than in previous years, and you might mention that you hadn't noticed that. However, now that the idea is in your head, you go out to the grocery store and see (what you think are) more crows. At the park, you see more crows. On a walk, you see more crows. You come back to me a week later and agree, "Yeah, there definitely are more crows around!"

In actuality, there aren't any more crows than there were before; you're only noticing the crows because I pointed their supposed increasing numbers out to you. The crows were always there hanging out in the grocery store parking lot, or chilling near the local park, or up in the trees on your nature walks. You just weren't looking for them before, and now that you are, you notice them.

Remember the whole Mt. Everest comparison I mentioned in the previous section? It's the same thing: the crows were always there; you just weren't looking for them before. Thanks to the frequency illusion, you're noticing them now. (And try not to be on the lookout for more crows after reading this.)

No, Not Everyone is Autistic, But...

Not everyone is autistic, but (there's always a but, huh?) it's true that far more people are being diagnosed with autism than ever before. I think a huge part of the problem is that the overhaul of ASD, along with the inclusion of other, now-eliminated diagnoses, has really muddied the waters when it comes to the public perception of what autism is or isn't (and to learn more about misconceptions about autism, check out my article Misconceptions About Autism).

Autism & Asperger's: A 90s Tale

I want to dive into this topic more because I think it's really important to understand the nuance of the situation. In doing so, I may use some language or descriptors that some may find offensive, and I apologize in advance. Please understand that it is not meant with the intention of harm or offense but rather elucidation. (I also have an article about Asperger’s Syndrome, if you’re curious to learn more about that.)

I grew up in the 90s and early 2000s, and during that time, there were two distinct categories: autism and Asperger's Syndrome. Kids who were autistic couldn't do much for themselves. Perhaps they were nonverbal, or constantly threw what their caretakers referred to as "tantrums," or they only ate one food item (often something like fries or chicken nuggets). They didn't attend normal school. They were often referred to as "retarded" in both the literal and pejorative sense.

On the other hand, kids with Asperger's Syndrome were intelligent, sometimes much more so than their peers, had extensive vocabularies (hyperlexia), and had special abilities when it came to math, science, writing, or art. Often, they were referred to as "gifted children." Despite their vast cognitive abilities, they typically had limited social and emotional intelligence and had trouble getting along with other children their own age.

Given this, imagine the shock and horror when, with the release of the DSM-V in 2013, the "gifted children" and the "retards" were suddenly put under the same umbrella: Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The new ASD, its levels, and its changes weren't explained well—if at all—to the American public. (To learn more about the new levels of ASD and what they mean, read my article The Three Levels of Autism next.)

An Example: Steven and Lyle

Most people, understandably, don't know about the overarching changes to autism and ASD. All they see is that Steven, a gifted child who graduated high school at 16 and went on to get a law degree from Harvard, suddenly has the same diagnosis as Lyle, a nonverbal invalid who can't even feed, clothe, or bathe himself. (Note that I just made these examples up and they do not refer to any specific person or persons.) How could these two completely opposite people possibly have the same disorder?

Furthermore, those parents of children with what is now often referred to as "profound autism" (individuals with ASD with an IQ less than 50 and require 24-hour supervision) are looking at Steven and his accomplishments and (perhaps rightfully) demanding to know why the extremely limited resources out there for ASD are going to Steven.

"Steven went to Harvard! My son, Lyle, can't even tie his shoe! Why does Steven need support?!" is a common and expected refrain that we might hear from loved ones of those with profound autism. "Steven's not actually autistic! He can clearly take care of himself and that's not what autism is!" Perhaps you think they're right.

But the truth is that even though Steven is able to function at a higher level intellectually and socially than Lyle, that doesn't mean he isn't in need of support himself. What Lyle's parents don't know is that Steven is hanging on by a thread, addicted to alcohol to the point of developing jaundice just to survive the rigors of being a high-powered attorney. That's not to say that he needs as much support as Lyle does, as he certainly doesn't, but he needs at least some support to survive.

The Real Problem

The biggest problem, aside from a lack of education on what ASD actually means now, is the lack of support in general for autistic people. Let's take a look at some troubling, not-so-convenient data points.

• Shorter Life Expectancy: A person with autism only has a life expectancy of 39-54 years, compared to the average person's 77.5-year life expectancy in the US.

• Chronic Unemployment: Depending on the study, approximately 38.5 percent to 85 percent of autistic people are unemployed, even those with college or post-graduate degrees.

• Serious Comorbidities: Autism comes with a ton of potential comorbidities (conditions that are often found together), including attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), gastrointestinal issues, chronic inflammatory illnesses, epilepsy, cerebral palsy, migraines, headaches, and congenital abnormalities, just to name a few. (Hint: It's not just the autism that we struggle with.)

• Higher Substance Abuse Rates: 50 percent of autistic people have substance use disorder. Autistic people are also more likely to use recreational drugs to self-medicate.

• More Prone to Being Abused: Autistic adults experience higher rates of abuse (sexual, emotional, verbal, physical) than non-autistic adults. Autistic youths are 3-4 times more likely to experience sexual victimization.

• Higher Rates of Mental Health Issues: Autistic people are more likely to experience mental health issues relating to anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) compared to non-autistic people.

And Many, Many More Issues…

If you want a glimpse into more potential comorbidities related to autism, check out my article Autism & Other Comorbidities.

Examining Steven and Lyle again, can we really say that Steven isn't deserving of any support at all, considering all of the potential issues that come with being autistic? Or is it more fair to say that there clearly aren't enough resources to support autistic people and their families as things are now and we need more resources going forward?

Profound Change is Needed

If we want to make life better for autistic individuals, we as a society are going to need to step up. We need organizations that don't just dabble into seeking a "cure" for autism but rather those that support the autistic people that are here now, who are just trying to survive, who are struggling, and who are unfortunately dying far earlier than they should be, either by suicide or other comorbid illnesses.

It's not about who doesn't "look autistic" or who isn't "disabled enough." It's about what tangible resources and support we can provide to autistic people at any level. Some people with profound autism might need more support than others, and that's totally fine. But let's not forget the Stevens of the world and everyone else in-between: we are people who are also struggling and we need support as well.

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey; it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

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