If you’re anything like me, the start of a new year can often bring a mix of emotions: excitement for novel experiences in the upcoming year, but also disappointment at your failures or what you weren’t able to accomplish in the year prior — and often more disappointment than we’d like to admit.
A new year can especially difficult when comparing our situations to others in our age range or social circle, especially if things have been tough. Bethany had her third child, and you were served divorce papers. Steve got a raise, and you got laid off. Amber earned a degree, and you flunked out.
Or perhaps you find yourself drifting along through life like a sailboat caught in the doldrums and nothing going your way. Life feels directionless, meaningless, and hopeless.
Life’s Direction
People often judge a life by its direction: Are you moving forward? Are you behind? Are you on the “right” path? They look the map of your life, see your convoluted path, and try to give you guidance: “Ah, see? Here’s your problem! You should’ve taken a right turn here instead of a left! You need to go right in the future!” or the dreaded, “You aren’t working hard enough. Just hustle more!”
While this advice is ostensibly well-intentioned, let’s be real: it’s not helpful, and I’m not here to give you more advice like that. Instead, I urge you to be more compassionate with your circumstances — whatever they may be.
Let me explain.
Danny’s Journey
Imagine a map with two points: A and B. As you may recall from high school geometry, the shortest path between any two points is a straight line. Thus, if Danny is trying to get from A to B, he should take the straight path.
But what if Danny starts out on his straight path and encounters a dense, alligator-filled, mosquito-infested swamp between the points? He considers trudging through, but ultimately decides on going around the swamp, adding several days to his journey. He still ends up being bitten by mosquitos, and he coats himself in mud to try to keep the insects at bay. For Danny, a journey that should’ve taken a day and a half takes five.
For the people who had a smooth path to Point B, they might not understand what took Danny so long, or why he’s so dirty. Some of the prior arrivals had smooth rolling hills and a paved path to walk. Others were given a bike, and one drove a car. Even some people who started near Danny arrived well before he did — but only because they had an ATV to get them through the swamp. Danny didn’t have any of that.
A straight line means nothing if you don’t know what and how it crossed.
Map vs. Terrain
A map without topography tells you nothing about swamps, rivers, mountains, or canyons that weren’t visible until you reached them. Two people can travel the same distance and arrive in very different states depending on whether one crossed flat ground and the other climbed a mountain carrying weight they never chose. After all, no one has the same starting point in life.
If your life doesn’t look the way you were told it should, it doesn’t mean you took the wrong path; it means you were navigating terrain no one else could see.
A Topography Lesson
If you’re entering this year feeling bruised, slower, or uncertain, consider this: survival is movement, adaptation is effort, and detours are not moral failures. Before you judge your pace or compare your path, pause. Look down at the ground you’ve been crossing. Notice the mud on your boots, the weight on your back, and the struggles you’ve endured.
Remember that a straight line has never been the measure of a meaningful journey. And if your path looks complicated, it may be because it required courage, resilience, and choices no one else had to make.
Thanks for Reading!
Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to spend some time with me! I encourage all of my readers to RISE (Reflect, Improve, Strengthen, & Evolve) with me because healing is a lifelong journey — it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. You are loved, cherished, and valued. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
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—Skylar Aries